Tom & I drove into the city the other day. It was an act of generosity & friendship on his part. I was preparing for a cleanse and, as I have mentioned here before, my current vehicle-less state has pushed me to be more forward in asking for help and he has responded, as have many, with a total wide open heart. To be honest, I had shown up on his doorstep the night before (he had already committed to the ride) to pick up the keys to do some last minute shopping and I was in an extraordinarily vulnerable, agitated state, one he related to well and in that way of recognition, healing & witnessing, he gave me every bloody cell of presence, as well as a cigarette or two to ease the pain. We had both been up, separately, for several nights (it seems like many of us had been, pre full moon & everything else that has been going on) and we were both exhausted, feeling essential in every way, good & bad.
The following afternoon, after all the business had been attended to, we rushed to the Met, for the last breath of operational hours and on the way up the historical steps we saw the huge flapping banner for Filippino Lippi's "Madonna and Child" & Tom said, that is a good candidate, so we went there and spent the rest of the hour looking at this particular embrace, over & over again, in all the adjoining rooms, took in all it told of the love and ecstasy of that moment in time.
We were both struck by the blue in the paintings, all of them from this time (approx 1400s) and how it is unlike any blue that we know of now. We wondered about the quality of this blue ~ you cannot see it in the reproduction above, you have you see it with your own eyes, because it is about the luminosity of it, something that translates particularly to your eye in the moment. It takes you somewhere, it is startling. We found ourselves holding our breath and we both figured out, or stated, at the same time, that it must have been what they saw then, at that time, this state of being held in the world/cosmos, and they attempted to capture this luminous space, the ether. The blue did not always hold the most important area of attention, sometimes it was thrown in the background, or sometimes just a touch of it in the halo. We also noticed the halos, how sometimes they were regal, ornate, but more often they were subtle, translucent, the quality of a jellyfish you couldn't quite put your fingers on, and we acknowledged that this, too, was probably something they actually saw.
I got emotional at one point, remembering moments in ceremony, occuring more & more frequently, where I had glimpses of this. I hadn't known at the time what I was seeing or feeling, but yes, now, in this conversation, I realized that, yes, this is what I might have seen, this was it, the thing I couldn't put into words, the subtle sensation to which I could only murmur "thank you."