It's Saturday morning & the calls are rolling in. People are having a hard time & I would be lying to say I didn't wake up with my heart in my throat, like a feral cat whose vacant building he/she slept in every night was demolished, all of a sudden free & wondering 'where is home?'
"i had such an exhausting day of crying. i woke up crying . . took the kids to school in sunglasses crying . . took a yoga class and sobbed the whole way through, then taught a class also sniffling . . came home to finish reading patti smith's just kids and am still crying. starting to feel cleansed . . don't know what exactly i am crying about but it feels like death . . i feel death is coming . . death is around and although i am not scared . . i hate loosing people . . so that's my strange day lover . . i miss you and long for your presence . . . " ~ one morning message
As I spoke about a couple of weeks ago, we are in a warp speed of transformation, according to the Mayan calendar. The 9th Wave began on March 9 & today marks the end of the 1st day ~ what that means is we are rapidly shedding skins, we are being asked to release & surrender what doesn't work. The problem is we still think it does. I don't know about you, but it hasn't worked yet, you know, why not just be?
Because it is hard to just be, we don't know how to be.
Tomorrow brings the beginning of the 1st night of the 9th Wave (until April 13th). In simple terms, the days are activating, initiating change (& how much more change can we take right now, if you look at the changes in the world since March 9) & the nights, well, just like the nights in our lives, the nights are time to rest & integrate. Rest up my love warriors.
The reading below helped me this morning. I know I am on an Osho jag, bear with me, it is good stuff, a sweet friend gave me THE BOOK OF SECRETS a couple of seeks ago & although I have had major Osho resistance for years, it is really blowing my mind:
"I say to you, "if there is fear, love cannot be," so you become afraid of fear. You ask, "How can one get rid of fear?" This is again a fear, & more dangerous than the first one, because the first one was natural; the second one is unnatural . . . The question is not getting rid of anything; the question is only of understanding. Understand fear, what it is, and don't try to get rid of it, because the moment you start trying to get rid of anything, you are not ready to understand it -- because the mind which thinks to get rid of it is already closed . . .
You come to a point where you know that you are afraid, & you come to understand, "Because of this fear, love cannot happen to me. So okay, what can I do? The fear is there, so only one thing will happen ~ I will not pretend love or I will say to my beloved (AND THAT COULD BE ANY ONE OF US, STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ~ the love artist) or my lover that is is because of fear that I am clinging to you. I will become frank about it; I will not deceive anyone, I will not deceive myself. I will not pretend that fear is love. I will say this is simply fear. Because of fear I cling (to the idea) of love, because of fear I pray. Because of fear, I remember God. But then I know that is is not prayer, this is not love, this is only fear . . ."
A miracle happens when you accept the truth. The very acceptance changes you. When you know that there is nothing but fear in your being, what can you do?
Acceptance of fear opens the heart to love. This authenticity & this fearlessness to accept the truth, changes you. And when you don't pretend, don't create a false love, don't create deception around you, don't become a pseudo person, you have become authentic. In this authenticity, love arises & then, fear disappears, love arises. This is the inner alchemy of how love arises.
Now you can love."