love can be quite distracting, i must admit, i have totally fallen victim to it.
i must tell you when i was riding the subway to meet you i was tired and hesitant and was wishing to take a nap instead, and then once we started it whisked me away, the subway back home, i was so excited and felt so much better. you made me giddy.
thank you darlin,
It is so difficult to find the beginning of love. Just as hard to know the end of love. Like the last time you are going to actually make love with someone. You can think you know & then another time always creeps in. Or you can think you will be with someone forever, like you are madly & with unmitigated passion, undeniably in love and then, oooops, you never actually touch that person, ever ever again. It happens. More times than any of us want to remember.
In the last days I have fallen into the central channel of a love vortex, the layers of which, I think will take quite a while to (continue) to reveal itself . . it's like J said last October "rolling with you is like being in a sci-fi movie" . . . & there is nothing in these crazy TLA parallel universes that are not love, so safety in that respect, even if it feels like somewhat of a free fall at times, we must remember, at the bottom (& there is no bottom, remember) is only love.
If you want to play the video game version of the tunnel of love today, follow this map:
1. In 2003, I thought of this love puzzle: LOST & it worked like this: You are a virtual stranger. You write me an email, I tell you to go a particular neighborhood that we have both decided on in NYC (Miami, Toronto, Berlin, London, etc. etc). I tell you to find a place to sit at the prescribed time & I will call you. We speak on the phone & separately we begin to wander around, taking pictures, talking on the phone, picking up odd "gifts" for each other, until we find each other. Many loves, many cities. So. Much. Fun.
2. In May of 2003, Kelie contacts me. She wants to be part of LOST. She appears to be very skeptical but carries on, regardless. We meet in the Lower East Side. Halfway through our love date, she calls & tells me she has to go back to work . . ????? I meet her. I give her gifts. We stand on the sidewalk awkwardly but clearly in love.
3. I saw Kelie last night, yes last night, april fool's day 2011 & hugged her hard.
(But back to the story)
4. I think at this time (2003) Kelie & Sto are falling in love.
(admittedly tiny & not a clear representation of kelie & sto, & from the end of cinders & not the beginning of love, but i love this picture & what is representation but an illusion anyway)
5. They become conceptual baby mama/daddy together & start a magical gallery in Williamsburg that gets a whole lot of attention. It is called Cinders because there is a fire that burns down all of their possessions in the process of their beginning this love, this adventure, this power beat beat beat of community.
6. Though we only had a moment, Kelie believes in the love & brings to Cinders, one hot week in July, 2004. I live in the window of Cinders & love the neighborhood, day in & day out, even though some guy in New York Press insinuates that I am giving handjobs in the gallery. I particularly fall in love with Kelie & Sto.
7. George wanders in. She is more magic, her studio around the corner where she alternately fills things with light & repairs large religious effigies for churches. We are like sisters & drink each other up.
(george at the end of cinders)
8. As is true of NYC matrixes we do not see each other for many years.
9. Oddly, my NYC Inner Garden Cleanses begins with a recommendation of George's to a random friend. George has never done the cleanse, only felt the love.
10. After many years, I call George a few weeks ago, because I need a hug & through the wonders of Facebook, I can tell she needs one too. This is revealed to be absolutely true.
11. George has some new revolutions going on. She is learning to surf in a new way. A new project: Wayfarers, a studio/gallery space in Bushwick. She asks me to come & bless the space at it's inaugural event. I feel sick & half well (this was this week) alternately. I confirm & cancel, repeatedly, but I think to myself "You need to go to Wayfarers. There is someone you need to meet there."
12. In the meantime, a woman, Susannah, contacts me to do the cleanse. She is in a grieving process. She wants to bring the molecules some love. She is the old friend of another friend. Until this moment she is not part of the Kelie/Sto/Cinders/George love continuum.
who i met through giorgio:
who i met through jonathan:
14. On Thursday night, I drive the food into the city & make many deliveries. I bring Susannah her food in Bushwick. We only have 20 minutes together. She is brave. Her heart is so open. I am dumbstruck & so honored. We are both (kinda) electrified.
15. George contacts me yesterday to give me time & address info. The Wayfarers is located IN THE FIRST FLOOR OF THE SAME BUILDING THAT I DELIVERED THE FOOD TO SUSANNAH THE NIGHT BEFORE. They do not know each other, but George opened the door for Susannah just a few days before.
16. I bring the blessing last night. Susannah comes downstairs with her young daughter. She is like my family that has come for support. I feel like I have backup. I begin by drawing a prayer in the center of the space. I then draw a wiggly circle inside the space people have cleared for me. I am singing, also wiggly. Those of you that know The Love Artist Greatest Hits know the part when I get to I LOVE YOU, ALL OF YOU . . I am now looking each person in the eye. Suddenly I am looking at Sto in the eye. Then suddenly I am looking at Kelie in the eye. Then George. Then Susannah.
17. I have chills just writing this.
18. I am lucky in love.