I'm pretty sure it still looks this way today too, last time I checked anyway. Today is Anne's birthday. Yesterday I was madly in love with her for 24 hours, from midnight to midnight. It was effortless. It was difficult.
It was effortless because she was so game about the whole thing, so receptive. She had faith. She really believed that I was loving her, from the first minute, she woke up bright & shiny & feeling loved. I think she might have been the first person ever in the entire history of the True Love Project that wrote me first. Which was a good thing because I was kind of a mess on Sunday morning ~ due to 8 days of fever, I felt weirdly bright & shiny too but kind of carved out & a little empty, like someone else, with a beautiful, divine amnesia in my better moments & the disposition of a cranky 2 year old in my, well, cranky moments of despair.
But Anne was like, "Hooray! No thank you! And good morning sweetie!" from the first minute & "Oh that is so hot! Even when you are drawn a little bit like you have baby bear ears you are super beautiful." (I was modeling for someone at the time, staring at the light fixture, thinking about God & of course, breathing into my heart & loving Anne.)
To which I responded: "I love that you have a sense of humor about love . .& that is hot . . .tho I think I was supposed to be a bat . . kinky ;)"
I feel like most of our significant loving came later in the evening, when I was so tired & we were endlessly emailing back & forth in a form of pillow talk that was so precious, simple. I mean there (at least seemed) was no agenda. I could hardly pick my head up from the pillow and then Anne decided to put our true love on Facebook as complicated, not even really as a joke, because I mean, IT WAS REALLY TRUE but then everyone was all over my page with support & hugs for my new relationship & I got even more queasy & feverish . . . not that I need to explain myself, ever really, but . . I did have a conservative moment though, I really did. I thought to myself, "I don't want to be making fun of other people who take so much time to decide whether or not to go public on Facebook with their relationship" and then I thought, Kathe, you have got to be kidding . . you are in love in the world, you are the love artist, be bold . . & I had to think for a minute: what is real??? & more importantly, what is love????
TELL ME THREE IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF:
I am awesome. I care deeply. I have a lot to learn.
NOW GO AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR. LOOK INTO YOUR EYES. REALLY LOOK IN AND TELL ME ONE MORE THING ABOUT YOURSELF.
I feel like I live in an earthquake.
TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT THE WAY YOU LIKE TO BE LOVED, NO NOT JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE TO BE LOVED, THE WAY YOU NEED TO BE LOVED TO FEEL REALLY TRUE AND RELAXED IN YOUR SKIN. THESE DESCRIPTIONS CAN TAKE ANY FORM. IT CAN BE A LIST, IT COULD BE THE CHORUS OF A POP SONG, IT COULD BE AN ANIMAL, IT COULD BE A NUMBER OR IT COULD BE PURE PUNCTUATION.
The only times I have ever consciously felt loved, and said at the time, to myself, “this is what it feel like to be loved, you have to remember this, this is very important,” was when people spontaneously dried my hair with a towel after a bath or shower. It’s only ever happened with my parents—probably, both of them did it, even though I don’t know that they ever did much beyond that to ensure that I felt loved—and with the person who is my very best friend in the world, with whom I continue to have a sort of complicated connection to. I’ve asked people to do it before, explaining, “look, this makes me feel loved, this is important,” but it was always inadequate or somehow unpassionate.
TELL ME A COLOR YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT.
I like a lot of colors. Maybe I think of orange as the most exciting.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
Mornings after I get enough sleep, spring evenings.
ADVANCE LOVE OPTION:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE THIS DAY WITH ANYONE? (IF SO, FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO THEM AS WELL AS FORWARDING ME THEIR EMAIL ADDRESS. REMEMBER THIS COMMUNICATION COULD TAKE A LITTLE TIME, SO GET STARTED WITH ENOUGH TIME.)
No, actually I am going to take this day and be emotionally monogamous by conscious choice. I hope that’s ok with you! I’m doing it out of an interest in concentrating, and not because I require or demand that of love or whatever.