I just want to tell you that I love you & that I want you to think of me in the next days.
Yesterday I was driving Nola home from a complicated and awe-inspiring afternoon communing with everything from star beings to singing blades of grass. Let's just say we learned a few new songs, songs that wrapped around your head & then took the elevator down a few levels & then up rapidly with a jolt, kind of like the elevator in INCEPTION, and then you thought you might have died and been reborn and then you realize it is still the same song. It was a day like that. Some things are hard to understand, never mind explain. But let us just say it was a very lucky, blessed day. Some hard work.
So anyway, I was driving her home & on the side of the road we see a huge hawk, laying there, perfect on the side of the road, regal, impeccable. I have picked up dead hawks before but they were always pretty far gone & tiny. This bird was a king or a queen and I could still feel the life force in him, in my hands and all around me, although h/she was clearly dead. I fell to my knees so overwhelmed by the magnitude of this energy field swarming around both of us. It was so humbling. It reminded me of several other moments in the last few months, where I attempted to look into immensity, or was called to look into it. It made me feel like I am being pulled through a sieve, the possiblity of an enormous, faster than the speed of light, system upgrade on a cellular level, that hurts in all of my bones, like moving through a tesseract, breaking down to the infinite & being reformed.
I am aware that many of you will not understand what I am talking about.
I was told recently at dinner, to stop talking about "the shift" please.
I have so much to tell you about & I will.
I am about to leave in a minute for my third vision quest. 4 days in the woods alone. Character building. I have that falling in love amnesia about this kind of high stamina, scary business. I think it is going to be so much fun, til the night before, laying in my bed, with the heat on, hearing the raindrops on the skylight.
I've been up since 2 am.
This is me two years ago on my first vision quest.
(vision quest 2009)
I have no idea what I was singing, since at that time, I was afraid to sing. I had no voice in prayer. Now you can't stop me. This is why it is worth it to go out into the woods and not eat or drink water & sit up all night in the dark and pray. You find yourself and then you find yourself some more. It's crazy that I'm scared this time (& I am really scared). I am so much stronger than when I started, but I think more I grow up, the more real I get, the more I look into immensity . . okay maybe it is just humility, but it still puts my heart, not in my throat but my mouth, no more like right behind my eyeballs.