By seeing the title of this essay, you might
think this is an unpopular/snob kids who wants to take revenge on the popular
kids a la “revenge of the nerds”. You’d be somewhat correct.
However, I’m here to help this time, instead of judge.
Your first step to breaking your addiction to conformity is
to examine yourself. You might want to ask yourself: “Do I own a pair of Uggs?
“Do I wear leggings as pants?” “When was the last time I shopped at
Aeropostale/Hollisters/Abercrombe & Fitch/Hot Topic/American Apparel?” “Are
my jeans too tight?” “Do I listen to top 40 radio and what my friends tell me?
If you answered yes to 2 or more of these questions, then
you are perfect for my Breaking Conformity Program.
The second step in the program is to find good alternatives
to what you wear, play, and listen to.
If you like wearing Uggs, I suggest buying a pair of wool
socks, they’re incredibly warm and also aren’t nearly as distracting as Uggs.
Not to mention that they’re much cheaper.
If you like to replace leggings as pants, I suggest buying a pair of
somewhat tight jeans. You’ll still have comfortable clothing but not, show off
as much of your lady parts.
As far as what you listen to, I recommend replacing
everything in your collection. Whatever money you spent on those Taylor Swift
albums was not money well spent. I recommend these records:
For the fan of acoustic ballads, try Lou Reed, the apex of
the non-conformist songwriter. He’s had more phases in his life than Michael
Jackson’s skin, so you have a wide variety to choose from. He’s more miserable
than your average Jewish mother yet has a Dylanesque feel for human emotions
and heartbreak.
For the fan of the
so-called “alternative” rock, (i.e. Bush, Nickelback, etc) try The Pixies. The
Pixies kicks the alt rock movement in the late 80’s and early 90’s, and
Nickelback and Bush are nothing more than watered down versions of that. Kind of like when your parents put seltzer
in Orange juice and call it orange soda. Same idea, but nowhere near as good as
the original.
Rap is another genre of music that is very prevalent on the
top 40 today, but not all rap is bad. For example, replace Kanye/T-Pain with De
La Sol and Blackalicious. When you are
listening to this better stuff, Kanye will want you to let him finish, but
counter him by unplugging his autotune software, and it will reveal his
weakness.
Now we move onto the great form of entertainment known as
video games. I am sure many of you are familiar with the Call of Duty series,
however, it has tremendous with game balance and hacks playing on-line, and you
would be much better served playing team fortress2, a game where teamwork
actually matters, and doesn’t have the lovely 6 year-olds screaming about how
they made whoopee with your mother.
Everyone loves television, and I’ve got a recommendation
that will blow your mind. It involves one of America’s most loved shows, Family
Guy. Family Guy is very much like the orange soda analogy. It takes the formula
of something awesome (The Simpsons mainly) and makes it so formulaic that even
I could write a Family Guy Joke. Here: I’ll try it: Oh Peter, you blew up the
refrigerator again! Ha-ha, that reminds of the time when I (insert
historical/political/pop-culture reference here) with (insert celebrity). Does
that sound like a Family Guy Joke? I bet it does. Family Guy’s that
formulaic. This is where Clone High
comes in. Clone High takes your favorite historical figures and turns them into
a cast of characters within the stage of high school. Gandhi turns into a frat boy, and Abe Lincoln is Mr. Nice Guy.
It’s still incredibly amusing and yet demands a certain amount of intelligence.
Which leads me to my third point. When someone presents you
with something that a lot of people think is good, think, “Do I really enjoy
this? Or am I just pretending to enjoy this to gain laughs or acceptance?
When you start thinking this way, that’s when a whole new
world is now open to you. Beyond what anyone tells you to like, what do YOU
like? And that, dear friends, is how to break an addiction to conformity.
~ brendan mcpherson, 15, (westminster, vt)
