stream of teen spirit

exercise #22

Imagine your family when you are not with them.

See your mother, your father, your foster parents, your grandparents in your mind's eye.

Use all of your senses.

Re-visit a childhood home. 

Imagine yourself there.

Again use all of your senses.

Find the secret message that helps you to understand more about where you come from.

Find the secret message that helps you to understand who you are.

moments lost in time (exercise #22)

My mother and I have never gotten along. As she looked at me with worried eyes, she said, "Honey, I'm just trying to look out for you."

The difference between love and hate, enemy and family is indistinguishable. Moments lost in time.

How dare she act that way, when all she'd done is show up once or twice and then leave again?

"Fine."

That's all I said back, as the eyes that were so much like mine became glassy.

"I'm sorry! I'm trying my best for us as a family!"

Even as I comforted her, I thought about how ridiculous she was.

Does this make me a bad person? Do you think I'm being selfish?

My mask of a smile went over my face as I said with Splenda-sweet assurance, "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just get angry sometimes, okay?"

Even though i knew i really didn't mean it, I played my part very well.

The difference between kindness and indifference are memories set in stone.

Just because I'm not a nice person doesn't mean I can't act like one.

The difference between a hero and a villain are the eyes you're watching from.

~ dylan kaz, 17, (new york)

MOMENTS~PODCAST

my dad's wardrobe (exercise #22)

My dad wears shorts that are hole, oily, and stinky.  He is constantly ripping his shorts. He has to fix his own farm equipment and it is always oily.  His shirt is stinky because he always cleaning animal pens and sweating.  He wears a lot of plaid when it is winter and in the summer he will wear shorts that he got on vacation or at a restaurant. In fact I don't even think he has ever worn a suit.  At my uncle's wedding, he wore a black hshirt with a hat that said BEST MAN on it.

Most of my dad's pants are Carhartts.  He likes the green ones with the double knees but he has a lot of brown ones.  He likes the double knee Carhartts because he, as well as myself, is always funning the chainsaw through his pant knees.  We both have rips in our pants and scars on our knees. One time he cut up a bad pair of pants so he could put the double knees on himself. It was funny because then he had multi-colored pants.

He has an old hat that is ripped.  We got the hat for him at a fair for his birthday and it says JOHNSON & SONS LOGGING on it.  I think he won't get rid of it because it means a lot to him and makes him feel like he owns his business.  The one ongoing birthday joke is that my dad was 21 two times.  He went to a bar for the first time "legally" and the bartender said "SIr, you are 22."

He also wears big logger boots, they are Eagle Brand and he gets them from Sam's.  He can go through a pair of boots in about three months.  During sugaring season he wears muck boots because they are waterproof and the snow can't get in them.

~ colin j., 16, (bellows falls, vt)

writing as my grandma (exercise #22)

I wake up in the middle of the night. Alone. I hear the fridge running.  The emptiness of the dark swallows me up, and I feel safe under the blankets.  I roll over and face the clock: 2:47.  I try to roll over and go to sleep.  I can't so I turn the light on, and suddenly I wish I hadn't.  Everything here suddenly seems too real.  I liked it when it was still a mystery, still unknown.  I liked the dark because it made me feel safe. So I turn out the light.

My mind won't stop. Constant thoughts going on.  The family coming soon, having to leave for work later.  So many things going on and I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, it's light out and my darkness has disappeared.

~ eden hubert, 13, (westminster, vt)

i was nobody's fool (exercise #22)

It's a bad sign for your web-spinning abilities when a toddler doesn't believe you.

It also very well may be a sign of things to come.

"Honey, black jelly beans are bunny droppings."

Heh.

I never bought it.  I had been around enough rabbits to know what their crap looked like.

These were definitely licorice jelly beans.

Even at three, I was nobody's fool.

This has always been true of me.  I always question and/or outright deny that which lacks any real veracity.

Like religion.

At the tender age of seven, I essentially did not buy the existence of god: the idea of some ever=powerful and wise ghost in the sky suddenly going "poof" and spontaneously creating a bunch of crap just didn't sit with me.

I was nobody's fool.

I did realize, however, that bringing up such a topic at this age wasn't exactly going to help me out.  I had decided just to go along with it.  The future would be the one to decide.

It did.

When it cam time for my father's grand induction into the wonderful world of a pine box stuffed into the earth, I made my move.

I was definitely nobody's fool.

~ duncan sullivan, 18, (new hampshire)

red sox (exercise #22)

Boston Red Sox hat, white, says Red Sox on the left side in red, Red Sox logo in front on red, opening in the back, curled visor.  He wore it on Christmas when I saw him, when he got me a 360 and a bunch of games came with it.  He wears it because he likes the team.  He probably got it at Walmart.

~mike d., 15, (bellows falls, vt)

everyday cloth (exercise #22)

When I was little, about 5, my daddy wore an all white shirt and pants.  There was nothing else he could wear because he was in prison in Florida.  I can remember the place with bars and buzzers going off every time the door opened.  I thought my Daddy was scary because he could only wear white clothing, but as I grew, I learned to open up with him and talk to him.  I mostly only answered his questions he would ask me.  I was about 6 or 7 when he died from having a bad liver.  I don't remember much of him, but I do know that deep down he was a good man.

~ kellee m., 16, (bellows falls, vt)