the inner garden blog

valentine's day miami

february 14, 2009

resistance

january 19, 2009






" . .  joy is only possible when we greet all energetic circumstances equally . . .

In the most simplistic terms, the main character of (a) negative emotional charge is that it is uncomfortable (& that the body rejects it by manifesting resistance through physical symptoms).  it is trapped, blocked energy. it is often the childhood impulse for joy that has been limited, judged, withheld from our consciousness

our resistance to its inherent compulsion to move causes friction & this friction causes heat to seep into every aspect of our life experience.  this internal heat literally causes our life to become hell.  we are so used to this inner heat that we often do not even know it is occurring

yet, outwardly we manifest a reflection of this inner heat in our outer world.  our outer experience has become a veritable cesspool of combustion.  We mold our outer experiences by heating them up, by boiling them and by burning them.  we practically heat all of our food, and many of the liquids we drink, from coffee to alcohol, generate heat in our experience.  many of the substances we are addicted to eating, like sugar, cause heat in our body.  we even created cigarettes, a means to burn and heat up the air that we breathe.  our outer forms cannot move through this world without this process of combustion . . . our intense resistance to being authentic fans the flames of this resistance . . .  "

~ the presence process by michael brown

i do not publish this lightly.  i know it is overwhelming.  i was so struck by the above statement, read just a few months ago, 2 years after i began this journey of changing both my diet and my life after the serendipitous trip to wigmore with my sweetheart in february 07.  All i knew at that time was that when i did as I was told (which i only did because it was the only food available, i knew nothing about raw or living detox or diet, i was just going for a whole lot of lovin & the beach & the sun & away from NYC), i ate the food, i drank the rejuvelac & coconut water, i got the multiple colonics . . . & slowly, or not so slowly, as mentioned in another blog post, the joy came back to the surface . . i didn't even know that it was missing . .

but i definitely knew when it was back, or not back, it felt so new it was hard to know that i was actually remembering something . . . .

suddenly i was writing everyday, early in the morning & whenever i could fit it in & i spontaneously began an even earlier in the morning meditation practice, in the middle of the night, one that sprung from the loins of me ;), deep inside, organically, without any prior training or inspiration, like breathing, a practice that continues to grow today

& as i have mentioned all too often in my classes & here, i am def no angel, i crave the cooked stuff still & eat it with semi-regularity, but i always miss the joy & i know where to find it & the magnet of this joy keeps me coming back to the clarity, the simplicity of green, like home

in the last six months, kingsley & i have been working with the book quoted above, the presence process, a ten week meditation practice that breaks down into fairly simple weekly lessons that you can sit with on your own without moderation, lessons that in turn break down how you learned what you believe about yourself & about the world that surrounds you, your everything . . . & bit by bit, if you allow yourself, you begin to see that there is a whole lot more room to your the everything that you have always believed to be you, to be your life . . like those dreams you have when you realize that there is a door somewhere in the home that you have lived in all these years & just beyond the threshold is an immense & beautifully appointed ballroom, marble floors that you just swim on, float on, no fly . . yeah, kind of like that . . . something you never saw before

the new beauty

november 28, 2008

"pretty is something you're born with. but beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective"  ~ louise brooks

"cleanse the heart & the body will follow. cleanse the body & the heart will follow"   ~ natalia rose

"as an avid observer of trends and trend predictions, i have noted a significant shift in what we find beautiful in our culture. instead of continuing to value youth for the sake of youth & flawlessness for the sake of flawlessness, I find that as people “awaken” they are starting to look less for commonly held ideals of perfection in terms of how their eyes discern external beauty & are more attracted to 1) beauty that shines from within & manifests without in the form of a fresh, natural glow & 2) an authenticity: personal authenticity is much cooler & hipper than being contrived or trying to fit an image

any good art designer or plastic surgeon can produce a “perfect” image (which is really only based on the mode of the moment anyway). the new beauty is one that shines from within. the new beauty makes us feel good, it’s not just some image of commonly accepted perfection that we are conditioned to consider beauty. clarity & love is the new beauty &, over time, those who embody unconditional love & increase the love-light within themselves will be seen to be (& actually will be) physically more attractive. plastic surgery, chemicals & the like place more density and poison in our being. with your new energy body, you will naturally blossom into enhanced visual beauty too!

i already see my contemporaries preferring to be around others that are pure of purpose & of spirit. the people that i know of that are leaders & think for themselves are choosing friends, dates & mates who embody this inner beauty first; beauty for the sake of beauty is not “de rigeur” & will eventually be recognized as meaningless as more & more people awaken to the illusion of the old beauty . . .

as the world stands now, it may be hard for you to imagine that this shift could be taking place. but, i am certain that this is where beauty-consciousness is going. . . an authentic glow coming from dropping old patterns, aggression and fears and truly being oneself is the new hot . . . "

~ natalia rose

this is your homework america

november 5, 2008






" . . that where there is hatred, i may bring love;
that where there is wrong, i may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, i may bring harmony;
that where there is error, i may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, i may bring faith;
that where there is despair, i may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, i may bring light;
that where there is sadness, i may bring joy.

that i may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
for it is by self-forgetting that one finds
it is by forgiving that one is forgiven . . ."

(prayer of st francis)


spread the love america

stay green

xxxxxxx

mind over matter

october 22, 2008

"the mind plays an important role in the eating process. . .our attitudes & beliefs about what we are eating are at least as important as what we are eating. it is possible to overcome the natural laws by thinking positively that even junk foods  may become nourishing. i do not particularly recommend this practice, however, because

it has us spending energy trying to overcome the natural laws rather than living in harmony with them

although the mind IS stronger than matter

it requires extra energy & focus to convert junk food into something nutritious . .

for most people this doesn't work too well . . & can become a way of avoiding the healing process . .

author & religious leader Terry Cole Whittiker, who teaches the power of mind over matter in everyday life, once taught that it did not matter what one ate because it can be transmuted by the mind. . . the question can be asked

"is this a worthwhile way to spend one's valuable mental energy

by using it to overcome the effects of junk (sic) food intake?"

once Terry Cole Whittiker experienced the power & higher vibration of a raw food diet, true to her dedication to her own evolution, she adopted more of a live-food diet.  since being on such a high powered diet, she has lost 50 pounds & feels at least that many years younger in vitality . .

god, through nature, has given us the natural nutritional kingdom, so why try to fruitlessly transform the worthless dust of junk food into the precious gold of whole, raw, organic food?

though blessing one's food, can transform any edible item into a higher vibration food

why not seek & eat the highest vibration food to begin with?"

~gabriel cousens "conscious eating"~

now everyone knows how much i get turned on by a field of green

& i am not being cute

it wasn't always this way, i used to call it rabbit food & didn't think a meal was complete without a bowl of spaghetti & a few loaves of crusty bread, which actually sounds pretty great right now lying in my bed & i also have to admit i woke up this morning & had a couple of brownies with my tea, right in my bed w/ my computer . . even before my shower, which is the way i like my dessert

first thing in the morning, on a clean palate

but this is something i have been thinking about a lot, slightly in the reverse of the cousens thinking & not re: food but re: relationships

how much what we think affects our experience, how much what we think affects our ability to absorb love

what are our filters from our life experience

continuing the food/nutrient analogy: it is as if, by the lessons of our youth, we were able to actually shut down the access of our blood to our food . . the food is there but the active transport of the nutrients from the digestive love system into the blood & out to our vital love organs is blocked because we can't help ourselves from thinking:

it's not good enough
we're not good enough
it's not in the right package
we're not ready

we should be somewhere else

something else should be happening
i can't
I AM NOT EVERYTHING

layers of joy

 

september 23, 2008



 

(photo & journal entry from our first trip to wigmore, march 2007)

layer after layer, the joy comes back to the surface

you could say that steve & i are abusing the stuff: the wheatgrass, the joy . . . but who really knows, as joy is in such dire shortage these days . . .

you can overdo anything i suppose.  they do a lot of talking here about cravings, things that drive your life, things you lose your present state of my mind for

i have been meditating like crazy the last few days, one could think that I am overdoing it -- the sitting, the meditation.  i have been working on moving negative thoughts off my heart & lightening it.  i see these negative thoughts like logs, heavy & somewhat compact – something you need effort to move but you can use your body weight behind it and it solidly leaves the mind & body.  you find this negative thought by your emotions.  you can feel the negativity come in.  this is not an intellectual process.  if you are feeling good, joyful, then your intent & desire is vibrationally in sync with your heart.  you feel at peace, you feel warm, you feel love, joy.  you can feel this sensation change, it goes off track, zips up in a cockeyed way, you feel like something sticks in your gut, your back.  it is a vibrational shift.  if you can catch it when it happens, it is pretty easy to replace that thought with something positive & you will know that it is positive because it will feel good.  that's how you know you are in the right place

the theory is that you just have to keep guiding your mind back to the highest levels. That is it, a training.  So when i am triggered -- angry, jealous, etc -- i can replacing those feelings and their feelings of exclusion and abandonment with feelings of inclusion and being held, being safe

and this is where we get back to the greens, the wheatgrass.  as i feel the vibrations of the food & the plants here at wigmore inside of me, i soften.  although high, I expand rather than contract, which is how i feel on other stimulants.  When I take in the wheatgrass & the chlorophyll, i soften & then i like to lay my face on Steve's chest & remember something i have never remembered before

i am smaller now, here eating this raw energy food, & I compact down to a tiny nugget, curling up into a ball in his arms 

i have been imprinting this state as a state of joy

i was sitting in my Sugar, Starches and Caffeine class the other day & another layer of joy surprised me.  it rippled in and up & i felt the lightness in my heart, the feeling of hopefulness i felt in September or just before, in the end of August, when I was preparing for school & buying everything new.  it was the feeling of being gifted with so much blankness 

i could grow into myself.  there was so much space to be me, bright & shiny

i have been swimming almost everyday, a few times a day.  i don't swim in the ocean that much in the North.  i like the way the cold rearranges my molecules but I have to run right out & i don't get to be carried by the waves --  that lifting and placing back down, that lifting & placing back down.  if you catch the wave before the crest you can do this, rise and fall.  this is a layer of joy.  it maybe a new imprint of joy but it reminds me of others: a child's toy I don't remember, something bouncing & it oddly reminds me of Lalita's fingers placing my curls inside the bonnet today in class, before learning how to make the smoothie, how she took her time and pushed each curl in so gently, the light in her eyes holding mine.  that was just this morning.  i have to remember that imprint that love

the ocean tides and the heart, the love on the inside and the outside being the same.  the touch, the joy, the being held, the green -- all the same

core issues

august 20, 2008

"PREMISE #11:

clinging to a dietary label such as “raw” or “vegan” or “macro” is not part of health.  progress toward clean cells is.  when one engages in the equivalent of religious fervor over a dietary plan, one must be sure to see what the real origin of that need to evangelize or be dogmatic comes from.  the need to label is a need to define or feel superior

clean tissues help dissolve the ego

if the ego grows and clings to labels and judgment of others, this is evidence that cleansing is not taking place

further, watch for gatherings around non-health generating substances under the guise of health such as events celebrating chocolate or support groups for raw or vegan dieters

this work is meant to make life better

if a support group is needed this is evidence that either the point is missed & things are going woefully wrong with the process.  support groups are for those who are grieving or suffering, not for those who are transitioning and cleansing their cells. those who do this right feel like celebrating & do not need encouragement to keep going despite some emotional or physical barrier

this is always an indication that true cleansing is not taking place"

~natalia rose, the raw food detox diet

the love artist in the kitchen (hudson detox #4)

august 17, 2008

while you were sleeping

july 31, 2008





though i am never one to participate in the "is it art?" judicial assembly because as i see it

i am art

for instance, i have been trying to see the inner garden
 

as a job

but it keeps turning back into art . . .

how can it not?

it all makes me laugh & cry, all of it . . i started to dream up the tiny seed of the love artist enterprise(s) when my kids were little & i would stand in the hallway in the depths of the night when it was not quite the morning & hold my hands out . .

does anybody need anything

& i knew then that there was no shamanic trial & no performance art chicanery that could be better or more real than this living

ms proheta west made a spectacular yet gorgeously subtle guest appearance here at the inner garden ground zero this morning, showing up to do some sat nam rasayan appointments during the cleanse & to drink some blended love



we spent most of our downtime in bed, taking latent catholicism: praying & our favorite saints

yes, we really did

& gazing into each other's eyes & making big plans for raw love world domination

& by domination we mean total surrender

we can do nothing unless we are asked

july 24, 2008




"for the first time i am dreaming with a plant.  english plantain is growing here, & I see a young woman with enormous wings sprouting from her shoulders.  somehow i know she is the plantain spirit.  i approach her & introduce myself.  she asks why i have come.

"first of all," i reply, "i want to thank you for the help you have given my friends & me over the years.  your leaves have healed many wounds.  i come to visit you for another kind of help, a deeper kind.  the cuts & scrapes of my people are nothing compared to the pain in our hearts & the pollution in our minds. can you help relieve this kind of suffering too?"

the plaintain woman hops off her leaf & flies close to me.  for a moment she hovers in front of my face & looks intently into my eyes.  then she smiles & says, "of course, i will help you.  my brothers & sisters will help you also.  we are very happy to do this.  in fact we have been waiting for two hundred years for someone to ask us for this kind of help.  we can do nothing unless we are asked"


"we can do nothing unless we are asked"  leave it to a plant to come up with the understatement of the millenium! look at what plants  do when they are asked:  all human civilization is a form of excess grain ~ the generosity of plants.  the history of our species shows us that plants furnish us with whatever we ask for. 

our society values comfort, so that is what we have gone to the plant world to get.  this is wonderful as far as it goes, which is not very far in the direction of satisfaction.  if for a momentwe could forget the quest for comfort & ask the plants to help us find joy, richness & significance in life, is there any reason to suppose they would not share those qualities with us, just as they have shared everything else? to think that plants are mere dumb creatures that do not know ecstasy is ignorance or tragic arrogant folly.

all things enjoy ecstatic union with nature.  life without ecstasy is not true life & not worth living.  without ecstasy the soul becomes shriveled & perverted, the mind becomes corrupt & the body suffers pain.  ecstatic union with nature is necessary for normal health.  it is necessary for survival."

~ eliot cowan  'plant spirit medicine"