" . . joy is only possible when we greet all energetic circumstances equally . . .
In the most simplistic terms, the main character of (a) negative emotional charge is that it is uncomfortable (& that the body rejects it by manifesting resistance through physical symptoms). it is trapped, blocked energy. it is often the childhood impulse for joy that has been limited, judged, withheld from our consciousness
our resistance to its inherent compulsion to move causes friction & this friction causes heat to seep into every aspect of our life experience. this internal heat literally causes our life to become hell. we are so used to this inner heat that we often do not even know it is occurring
yet, outwardly we manifest a reflection of this inner heat in our outer world. our outer experience has become a veritable cesspool of combustion. We mold our outer experiences by heating them up, by boiling them and by burning them. we practically heat all of our food, and many of the liquids we drink, from coffee to alcohol, generate heat in our experience. many of the substances we are addicted to eating, like sugar, cause heat in our body. we even created cigarettes, a means to burn and heat up the air that we breathe. our outer forms cannot move through this world without this process of combustion . . . our intense resistance to being authentic fans the flames of this resistance . . . "
~ the presence process by michael brown
i do not publish this lightly. i know it is overwhelming. i was so struck by the above statement, read just a few months ago, 2 years after i began this journey of changing both my diet and my life after the serendipitous trip to wigmore with my sweetheart in february 07. All i knew at that time was that when i did as I was told (which i only did because it was the only food available, i knew nothing about raw or living detox or diet, i was just going for a whole lot of lovin & the beach & the sun & away from NYC), i ate the food, i drank the rejuvelac & coconut water, i got the multiple colonics . . . & slowly, or not so slowly, as mentioned in another blog post, the joy came back to the surface . . i didn't even know that it was missing . .
but i definitely knew when it was back, or not back, it felt so new it was hard to know that i was actually remembering something . . . .
suddenly i was writing everyday, early in the morning & whenever i could fit it in & i spontaneously began an even earlier in the morning meditation practice, in the middle of the night, one that sprung from the loins of me ;), deep inside, organically, without any prior training or inspiration, like breathing, a practice that continues to grow today
& as i have mentioned all too often in my classes & here, i am def no angel, i crave the cooked stuff still & eat it with semi-regularity, but i always miss the joy & i know where to find it & the magnet of this joy keeps me coming back to the clarity, the simplicity of green, like home
in the last six months, kingsley & i have been working with the book quoted above, the presence process, a ten week meditation practice that breaks down into fairly simple weekly lessons that you can sit with on your own without moderation, lessons that in turn break down how you learned what you believe about yourself & about the world that surrounds you, your everything . . . & bit by bit, if you allow yourself, you begin to see that there is a whole lot more room to your the everything that you have always believed to be you, to be your life . . like those dreams you have when you realize that there is a door somewhere in the home that you have lived in all these years & just beyond the threshold is an immense & beautifully appointed ballroom, marble floors that you just swim on, float on, no fly . . yeah, kind of like that . . . something you never saw before
