the inner garden blog

resistance

" . .  joy is only possible when we greet all energetic circumstances equally . . .

In the most simplistic terms, the main character of (a) negative emotional charge is that it is uncomfortable (& that the body rejects it by manifesting resistance through physical symptoms).  it is trapped, blocked energy. it is often the childhood impulse for joy that has been limited, judged, withheld from our consciousness

our resistance to its inherent compulsion to move causes friction & this friction causes heat to seep into every aspect of our life experience.  this internal heat literally causes our life to become hell.  we are so used to this inner heat that we often do not even know it is occurring

yet, outwardly we manifest a reflection of this inner heat in our outer world.  our outer experience has become a veritable cesspool of combustion.  We mold our outer experiences by heating them up, by boiling them and by burning them.  we practically heat all of our food, and many of the liquids we drink, from coffee to alcohol, generate heat in our experience.  many of the substances we are addicted to eating, like sugar, cause heat in our body.  we even created cigarettes, a means to burn and heat up the air that we breathe.  our outer forms cannot move through this world without this process of combustion . . . our intense resistance to being authentic fans the flames of this resistance . . .  "

~ the presence process by michael brown

i do not publish this lightly.  i know it is overwhelming.  i was so struck by the above statement, read just a few months ago, 2 years after i began this journey of changing both my diet and my life after the serendipitous trip to wigmore with my sweetheart in february 07.  All i knew at that time was that when i did as I was told (which i only did because it was the only food available, i knew nothing about raw or living detox or diet, i was just going for a whole lot of lovin & the beach & the sun & away from NYC), i ate the food, i drank the rejuvelac & coconut water, i got the multiple colonics . . . & slowly, or not so slowly, as mentioned in another blog post, the joy came back to the surface . . i didn't even know that it was missing . .

but i definitely knew when it was back, or not back, it felt so new it was hard to know that i was actually remembering something . . . .

suddenly i was writing everyday, early in the morning & whenever i could fit it in & i spontaneously began an even earlier in the morning meditation practice, in the middle of the night, one that sprung from the loins of me ;), deep inside, organically, without any prior training or inspiration, like breathing, a practice that continues to grow today

& as i have mentioned all too often in my classes & here, i am def no angel, i crave the cooked stuff still & eat it with semi-regularity, but i always miss the joy & i know where to find it & the magnet of this joy keeps me coming back to the clarity, the simplicity of green, like home

in the last six months, kingsley & i have been working with the book quoted above, the presence process, a ten week meditation practice that breaks down into fairly simple weekly lessons that you can sit with on your own without moderation, lessons that in turn break down how you learned what you believe about yourself & about the world that surrounds you, your everything . . . & bit by bit, if you allow yourself, you begin to see that there is a whole lot more room to your the everything that you have always believed to be you, to be your life . . like those dreams you have when you realize that there is a door somewhere in the home that you have lived in all these years & just beyond the threshold is an immense & beautifully appointed ballroom, marble floors that you just swim on, float on, no fly . . yeah, kind of like that . . . something you never saw before

layers of joy

 

(photo & journal entry from our first trip to wigmore, march 2007)

layer after layer, the joy comes back to the surface

you could say that steve & i are abusing the stuff: the wheatgrass, the joy . . . but who really knows, as joy is in such dire shortage these days . . .

you can overdo anything i suppose.  they do a lot of talking here about cravings, things that drive your life, things you lose your present state of my mind for

i have been meditating like crazy the last few days, one could think that I am overdoing it -- the sitting, the meditation.  i have been working on moving negative thoughts off my heart & lightening it.  i see these negative thoughts like logs, heavy & somewhat compact – something you need effort to move but you can use your body weight behind it and it solidly leaves the mind & body.  you find this negative thought by your emotions.  you can feel the negativity come in.  this is not an intellectual process.  if you are feeling good, joyful, then your intent & desire is vibrationally in sync with your heart.  you feel at peace, you feel warm, you feel love, joy.  you can feel this sensation change, it goes off track, zips up in a cockeyed way, you feel like something sticks in your gut, your back.  it is a vibrational shift.  if you can catch it when it happens, it is pretty easy to replace that thought with something positive & you will know that it is positive because it will feel good.  that's how you know you are in the right place

the theory is that you just have to keep guiding your mind back to the highest levels. That is it, a training.  So when i am triggered -- angry, jealous, etc -- i can replacing those feelings and their feelings of exclusion and abandonment with feelings of inclusion and being held, being safe

and this is where we get back to the greens, the wheatgrass.  as i feel the vibrations of the food & the plants here at wigmore inside of me, i soften.  although high, I expand rather than contract, which is how i feel on other stimulants.  When I take in the wheatgrass & the chlorophyll, i soften & then i like to lay my face on Steve's chest & remember something i have never remembered before

i am smaller now, here eating this raw energy food, & I compact down to a tiny nugget, curling up into a ball in his arms 

i have been imprinting this state as a state of joy

i was sitting in my Sugar, Starches and Caffeine class the other day & another layer of joy surprised me.  it rippled in and up & i felt the lightness in my heart, the feeling of hopefulness i felt in September or just before, in the end of August, when I was preparing for school & buying everything new.  it was the feeling of being gifted with so much blankness 

i could grow into myself.  there was so much space to be me, bright & shiny

i have been swimming almost everyday, a few times a day.  i don't swim in the ocean that much in the North.  i like the way the cold rearranges my molecules but I have to run right out & i don't get to be carried by the waves --  that lifting and placing back down, that lifting & placing back down.  if you catch the wave before the crest you can do this, rise and fall.  this is a layer of joy.  it maybe a new imprint of joy but it reminds me of others: a child's toy I don't remember, something bouncing & it oddly reminds me of Lalita's fingers placing my curls inside the bonnet today in class, before learning how to make the smoothie, how she took her time and pushed each curl in so gently, the light in her eyes holding mine.  that was just this morning.  i have to remember that imprint that love

the ocean tides and the heart, the love on the inside and the outside being the same.  the touch, the joy, the being held, the green -- all the same

the love artist in the kitchen

while you were sleeping

though i am never one to participate in the "is it art?" judicial assembly because as i see it

i am art

for instance, i have been trying to see the inner garden
 

as a job

but it keeps turning back into art . . .

how can it not?

it all makes me laugh & cry, all of it . . i started to dream up the tiny seed of the love artist enterprise(s) when my kids were little & i would stand in the hallway in the depths of the night when it was not quite the morning & hold my hands out . .

does anybody need anything

& i knew then that there was no shamanic trial & no performance art chicanery that could be better or more real than this living

ms proheta west made a spectacular yet gorgeously subtle guest appearance here at the inner garden ground zero this morning, showing up to do some sat nam rasayan appointments during the cleanse & to drink some blended love



we spent most of our downtime in bed, taking latent catholicism: praying & our favorite saints

yes, we really did

& gazing into each other's eyes & making big plans for raw love world domination

& by domination we mean total surrender

chlorophyll = the love is in the food

the Ann Wigmore Institute in Aguada, Puerto Rico is a raw foods educational retreat center where people go to detox and learn how to prepare living foods, which is not just raw, not just organic, not just vegan . . . not just fruits, salads and avocados but plants that were alive up til the minute you chew them (& chew & chew & chew . . the life is released to you in the enzymes in your saliva combined with the enzymes in the growing & fermenting plants & sprouts) releasing the love in your mouth, into your blood stream -- & when you detox, you are blending these life force, making the energy exchange more immediate, more palpable . .   

i am not just being hyperbolic here --

the love is released from the food

it is true, don't take my word for it . . get some green stuff, organic, the live stuff is the sprouts, or the greens right out of the garden . . and put it in the blender, food processor . . i will give you the recipe, take that sun & life & put it directly in your body, i am telling you . . at first the ultra green taste feels strong & maybe not what you would connect with your usual concept of eating, but once you get that feeling, that love feeling, over & over, then when you see the sprouts in the blender, your heart starts to pump like your lover is on their way over . . & those of you who know me, know that is tremulous but on a volcanic agenda . . the thing that would really get you on the love vibration is the wheatgrass & write me here for the secret love formula . . i felt my ability to both open my heart like a screw top at will & with a moments notice & focus & create like some kind of gorgeous wildfire . . . i am cellularly more of everything

i want to bring the The Inner Garden Project & The True Love Project  & The Love Artist to Findhorn.  they speak to the love source of the plants there.  anybody with any connections please let me know



THE KEY TO SELF-HEALING IS - HIGH ENERGY NOURISHMENT! (ENERGY SOUP)

By Dr. Ann Wigmore

 

WHY ENERGY SOUP? The reason is that it works! Energy Soup gives the body's cells fuel to be nourished which provides for self-healing in the quickest possible way. Another reason that this Energy Soup is high-energy nourishment that is fermented    slightly from the blending with Rejuvelac. This means that Vitamin E in the the mixture prevents oxidation, so we can keep it all day. Energy Soup provides a complete form of basic elements that are needed for rebuilding health quicker. It helps to overcome addictions because it is easy to digest. Most of the essential elements are easy to digest and essential nutrients found in Energy Soup are important in providing a means for self-healing the body and mind, and in helping with addictions. It can also help with many other health problems that people suffer with every day, which generally have been brought on by poor nutrition, especially by overeating.

 

ENERGY SOUP (HIGH ENERGY NOURISHMENT) is best taken about five times per day in small amounts (1 cup or less per serving). For variety you can put into the         Energy Soup 1/2 cup of cut-up banana or some alfalfa sprouts so there is something to chew. Chewing is important so that the food mixes with the saliva and thus the body can better begin the digestive process.

 

HOW TO MAKE ENERGY SOUP : We will begin with a list of the basic ingredients and amounts. But this is to be used only as a guideline. Generally, I do not like to specify amounts and measurements - use your own judgment and allow for your own creativity. It’s best to occasional add different ingredients such as peeled cactus, sweet potatoes or carrots, but the basic ingredients should be included. The most important elements and the ones that you will use in the largest quantity are the greens.

 

BASIC INGREDIENTS :
        Seaweed (dulse)
        Rejuvelac Sprouts - mung beans, green peas, lentils
        (one handful is a good amount)
        A large amount of a variety of organic greens, baby greens
        Peeled apples or watermelon, including rind, or papaya   

        (optional) 1/2 peeled zucchini, 1/2 ripe avocado

       *I use (raw) Kombucha drink or (raw) Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar (1 tablespoon to 8 oz water) to blend in a pinch, if I don't have rejuvelac , BUT PLEASE rejuvelac is really essential for those with candida issues & is easy to prepare -- full of probiotics & enzymes. I will provide a quinoa rejuvelac here in a few days . . .

      xo kathe

 

PREPARATION : Put your soup or salad in a blender, put about 1 tablespoon of dulse (if dulse is granulated use one teaspoon) and add about 1/4 to 1/3 blender full Rejuvelac (it may be necessary to later use more if the blender has problems         handling the ingredients). Put in all of the ingredients that are tough and hardest to    break down such as the sprouted mung, peas and lentils, sweet potatoes and carrots (if you should use sweet potatoes or carrots). Blend

 

Next, add lots of greens. The most important greens to use are the greens from your indoor garden such as sunflower greens and buckwheat lettuce. Other greens such as cilantro, watercress, parsley, celery (parsley and celery greens should be blended with the tougher ingredients because they take longer to break down) and carrot greens can be used. Any healthy organic greens can be used. Kale greens can be bitter tasting. Some people prefer milder tasting greens so use your own judgment to suit your needs.

Fill the blender as full as possible and blend the greens lightly. Turn the blender off and allow the contents to "settle down". Keep adding greens and blending them lightly until there is about 1 1/2 inch of space left at the top of the blender.

For taste, add one or two peeled/cored apples or some papaya. In Puerto Rico, we use papaya and in Boston we use apples or watermelon rind when in season. The last thing that goes into the soup is 1/2 or 1 whole avocado to thicken it. Blend the entire soup. If avocado is not used, then almond cream or soaked sunflower seeds can be used.

 

Most of all, Enjoy!

 

raw transformation

i am starting a new love project & i want to invite all of you to come with me, to make some real love together

 

it is really devotion
it is really big love
& it is really art

& we can make it together . . .


i talk all the time here

about the green
the essence

the life force

& now i am bringing together groups of people to find the love in the plants, to get really high & break open our hearts & minds

together

to take the love in the earth to heal themselves & each other through living foods detox sessions

not a fast but 5 days of eating food that is as close to cellular growing

alive as possible

& taking that growing, as love, into our bodies (& our hearts) with an intent, a dream, for change

the picture above is me before & after i fell more in love with who i am by living more clearly, more intentfully

they are taken over a 2 year period


(sure the tan helps, but it is the love that got me to puerto rico in the first place, making a dream happen)


the detoxes described below are happening in hudson, every other week, on the new & full moons but

i will travel to you
& love & heal you

bring me to you

you deserve it

you will feel better than you have ever felt before

i promise you

private detox coaching, creative process consultation,
living foods preparation & instruction & love appointments
also available

always