dear love artist
i had a situation with this boy/man who knows in dec 06 and its been lingering - i'm very disillusioned- i've actually ignored that this kind of love exists - i think in the beginning i wanted to hold on - there wasn't a clear ending so that's what caused this dangerous ambiguity.
when i made it clear, i felt free -- then a few days later i can't stop thinking about it. i don't believe in baring myself any longer to men. in my work yes and always to the world yes and always , to my students yes, friends , to my unborn children yes - but not men. is that true woman hood? i am disillusioned at the events that happened and feeling drained and more than anything made a fool of -- any healing love remedies?
I want to begin by saying that I understand the feeling very well of being a strong woman on my own & also the feeling of losing traction when I let a man or woman into my life, really in, all the way in. There is something organic about love that softens even the toughest hardest membrane or muscle. I also think there is something in us that wants so much to soften, even when we have had bad histories or plenty of reasons not to love & I think there is a joyfulness inherent in that softening . .
so . . . . when we soften & we don't get the chance to be joyful & our hearts snap shut on us, we are burnt, disappointed & we've lost what seems like valuable time and momentum in our all consuming quest in the world . . we get pissed at the lover, pissed at love, & pissed at ourselves for getting distracted.
maybe I am projecting myself too much but maybe, just maybe I can hear you nodding.
this is my healing remedy for you:
-- let this one go, all the way. if he was right for you, he'll be back. peel your fingers off completely, whether in love or in anger
-- find ways to practice being soft other places than madly in love -- just softening your morning for example, or your evening, leaving time for the random, the inexplicable, the seemingly trivial
-- practice touching more . . touch your friends & let them touch you
-- & the next time you are with a man you might like (and there will be one and probably more than one more in your life) do 3 things: don't expect him to be everything & let him show you who he is slowly & cherish who he is even if it is not what you thought you needed/wanted
& most importantly, no one is made a fool of by loving, no matter how it feels.
I did a little psychic surgery on you, hope that was alright. your question was hard to get a good grip on!
love you xox tla