dear love artist,
I'm feeling so raw and vulnerable exploring this new position: allowing/trusting to let the love come to me . . . i have spent most of my life going for it . . .more control. . .less risk. . .what if the love doesn't come . . yikes! This huge raw truth about my m.o. of love came when you so lovingly pointed out to me that i was always being the kisser versus the kissee . . . letting the kiss/love come to me sounds simple but it has rocked my world . . . heartbreaking open . . .
Any tips for staying with the process even when it hurts ?
my dear beloved pdaddy,
first I must tell you, that the love is coming, no fear, it is here actually, it is here already . . not just my love, there is love everywhere. I know this sounds ridiculously optimistic, but why not go for that truth, if you were to choose what to believe in. I know it is difficult to have faith in goodness when people are running out & doing insane things, killing innocent people everywhere, but not having faith in goodness & pervasive love only hurts you. The fear that the love is not coming only hurts you. It serves no other purpose so why not believe that you are loved, simply loved.
I love you & that is not all. You love yourself enough to ask the question.
The thing I use as a guideline for keeping myself open to both being loved & being loving is how I feel, truly feel both in my mind & body. If I don't feel well, if I feel tense or angry or if my body hurts, a headache or I have a stomach ache then I usually look for a way to feel better.
I take the pressure off in that I don't try to necessarily make a particular situation better. I mean, if there is something specific going on that I can change, that I know I have the power to change (& that I am ready to change), then of course I make every effort to do that thing . . but often I have no idea why I feel bad, or what it was . . or if I know, I may not be ready to change or know which route to take.
But you can make yourself feel better by just bringing in new energy -- doing things that make you more open & comfortable & able to love yourself (the practical stuff: air, exercise, tenderness) or turning obsession into meditating (turning thinking about one thing into thinking about one thing/nothing) or doing service (as joyfully as possible) . . just about anything for someone else (but the trick is to do what they really need, really listening & doing what you can).
If you aim to feel better & you take action, even one tiny action a day, you will begin to soften, I guarantee it.
But you are already softening. I saw it with my very own eyes.