"oh mother, the divine beauty of your forms is beyond all words.
you alone take care that this child of yours safely crosses the sea of life
oh durga, kali-ma, you are the embodiment of divine speech & hidden supreme knowledge. you reside in the temple of lord siva’s heart. the prayers of the vedas are directed to your divinity. you are the embodiment of the intitial see of "om" & are rooted therein. you are the energy of kundalini, giving birth to creation.
the knowledge of you in this divine form enables yogis to no more to return to the mother’s womb"
i feel lost & blue tonight. i’m just being honest. i just can’t catch up since i have been home. i feel pretty much of a wreck. now i pray in the evenings in the dark in front of a candle. i’m doing a meditation now called
call of duty
that is 31 minutes long & entails, among other things, 10 minutes of breath of fire in various positions preceded by holding your heart & calling unlimited, infinite power:
"there is unlimited, infinite power in you. these exercises work together like a key to unlock it out of your heart. this kriya gives you emergency strength.
normally we have tons of feelings & emotions in our dealings
from feelings & emotions to thoughts, to desires, we consume 40% of our energy. another 30% is consumed because we do not eat the right foods. 20% is consumed in finding our distractions
so we are only left with 10% and that is if we stay awake. we get so very tired . . .we go to sleep & then we forget things. when we eat simple foods, stimulate ourselves through the power of the breath of life & understand that our body is a temple then
we do not have any hallucinations. all virtues come to us. start being grateful. count blessings not curses. answering the call to duty is more than life . . "
i am doing my best. my diet is all over the place. i have been sick. my money is all over the place -- lots coming in but chaotic & unreliable, unmanageable & seemingly unwilling to stay in a budget. i feel fragile.
but i continue to pray
for me & for all of you
i want to tell you something: when i was growing my little garden & eating completely raw, i know i was closer to the angels. i know it. i asked for something & it was given everytime. i risk sounding like a total freak but i really believe that part of my feeling lost is that eating cooked food, eating sugar, drinking caffeine opens the door to fear, whatever reality the rest of your emotional state may be based on . . .
don’t get me wrong, i want to be here, i’m just telling you what i see
when i say my divine mother prayers up here in the north, inside in the city (where i love to be & where i am so greatly loved) my heart breaks a little & i cry for the ocean