the love artist dot org: desert love appointments pt 2

don't get me wrong my little desert love bunnies, it is not that i loved you any less than xander, who i dedicated a whole post to . . .

it is just that the giving meditation moved me so much & xander had the serendipity to be sitting to my right at that moment & my love flowed so mightily in his direction, like the ocean would have flowed if it was given a direction & channel & object of the gift of all of it's potency . . .

& besides, that piece of writing was really meant for all of us & that raw (no pun intended) time we spent together out there, without chewing, & without giving up & in love each of us totally & completely with each other

our intent was so strong, that

i felt the turn in my heart

at the dinner, when we broke the fast, at the moment when the intent was released, the concentration dissipated & suddenly we were separate people again

it reminded me of the moment, when i used to do ecstasy, even if there were hours & hours of fun left, but that moment

that moment

when i could feel inside that i was not going to get any higher but that i was heading home alone, even if i was with someone, i was leaving that union with every living soul

even if that sense of union was artificially induced, it was not fake, it was just amplified

maybe the heartbreak was the fact that i couldn't see the clarity of the union when i wasn't high (but i can now), maybe the heartbreak was that the other people weren't as open (but we can be now), maybe the heartbreak was that my preferences & aversions got in the way when i wasn't chemically split open (but not now)

the fact is now, now, between the true love project, kundalini, & wheatgrass & living foods, i can get that high

& stretch it way out, across the sky of me & you, no drugs at all, just green

yeah, i had that dip at dinner but it didn't diminish the rush of you, all of you:

christian, beautiful truck driver man, broken wide open & lovely, asked permission to touch my nose & pet it, reminded me of my old beau, tony millionaire who used to pet my nose & tell me it was velvet like a cow & i liked that . . . i sang to you christian & only you

jason, you took me to dark place between the rocks up high & showed me why you were you, about an inch from my face, we could be brother & sister you know, we could, & it wouldn't be wrong either, two siblings so crazy in love

fred, another beauty, i loved you anyway, even though you hardly let me, i snuck in anyway & didn't let you go once, i didn't need to look into your eyes, i saw you through the palm of my hand spread wide

we almost got away, didn't we denise, we almost had an adventure, i believe in you no matter what, & just because i loved all the boys, it doesn't cheapen my laser vision into you, i see you & i see you & i see you & wow (i don't lie, i never lie)