
speaking of stars, i was given the keys to one of the many vehicles here at liberty the other day to go pick up giorgio at the airport (i asked for the yellow trans am muscle car but it was a standard & oh, you know, i hate to admit, i am that kind of girl . . ) & aljabar slipped in a cd as I was settling into the more family friendly vehicle, some kind of ford suv, & told me it was going to blow my mind & it did
it was a talk by someone named john hoyle who is the founder of Voice Activated Integration (VAI), a somatic therapy that works by allowing us to accept that:
1 ~ we are many, many identities
(it has now been confirmed by science that there is not central or single identity, that we are a matrix of identities)
& if we accept that then
2 ~ we cannot judge any of these identities as they are all us & therefore
3 ~ an integration is possible that we are resisting when we believe that there is one, triumphant, perfectable, manageable identity . .
please excuse my bastardizing this large & brilliant theory by rushing in & let me get to the nut of my transmutative experience in the car, driving through the spectacular surreal rocks of the high desert (cause it IS all about me, for the now)
one of the main myths of separation (that he spoke about on the podcast, anyway) that cause deep suffering is the myth of uranus's (the universe's) coital union with gaia (the primal energy of earth) . . .
again forgive me if i get this wrong but i believe it goes like this:
gaia gave parthenogenic (asexual pregnancy without seed from a male) birth to uranus or the universe & then if that was not powerful enough, they started a mainline sexual chemistry that rose above all sense or respectability to join together & populate said universe
the problem was that uranus, being so expansive
& of the stars
couldn't bare the countenances, faces that is, of all his mortal, earthly children, the rumor is that he felt shame at the sight of US
yes, it is us, we are his children that he was so horrified to witness
uranus wasn't ready to be a daddy and tried to stuff the new life back into Gaia's womb . . .
ok, this is horrifying enough &, of course, just a myth, but i was electrified in a way that felt like truth, tears in my eyes, as i was traversing the spectacular pre-mexican landscape of open, raw earth
here is the deal that john hoyle presents (& again, excuse the weaknesses of my massive paraphrase for the economy of the blogosphere):
this split between the star father & the earth mother is the split that is not only the base of the split that causes many of the environmental dilemmas of today, but it is what hoyle refers to as technological cancer, rampant light (& not always light as a force of good but light as electric energy, light as computer-based technology) that is not based in relation to any real human (earth) context that can be integrated
it is not only that split
& it is not between good & evil
this lack of judgement, this no good & evil, is essential as his theory is that some cultures more represent the light/star consciousness (white european) & some represent the earth consciousness (basically everyone else), so we know how well that imbalance has worked out but thank god
no judgment here
it is just imbalance, like cancer ( & now let's not be judgmental about cancer, after all
they are only cells growing as best they can in the only way they know how)
growth out of control by a disruption & an inability (by gaia) to catch up, to regain her balance in the face of hot sex & then rapid abandonment (sound familiar, anyone)
ok, so before you think i have totally lost my mind out here under the blazing desert sun, what hoyle proposes, in this balance between identities is that there is a way of speaking to these selves inside of us that will heal
by loving respecting & accepting
by not blaming
but by seeing & knowing & loving all the sides of the conundrums of us
the method for this is based on some fixed lines of dialogue &, of course, if we were to enter into private therapy with a VAI practitioner, we would create our own dialogue . . .
so now we get to my private moment:
he asked us to repeat this line ~
(sit quietly & get a sense of your body hearing your voice resonating inside it
your body much louder than your mind)
WE WANT TO TALK TO THE ONE, THE MOTHER OF THE EARTH, WHO IS FEELING NOW THAT SHE MADE A GREAT MISTAKE ALLOWING THE STAR CONSCIOUSNESS TO COME IN
THIS MOTHER HAD TO SUPPRESS A FUNDAMENTAL PART OF HER HEART TO ALLOW THE LIGHT CONSCIOUSNESS TO GET A HOLD IN THIS BODY AND NOW SHE IS FULL OF GRIEF AND ANGER BECAUSE THIS LIGHT CONSCIOUSNESS HAS CAUSED SO MUCH DESTRUCTION FOR HER CHILDREN
then he said
do you feel something when you say this?
i have to admit i felt a deep sadness & an overwhelming panic but it was not the same grief as i heard other people responding to on the cd
while i felt the pain of the mother, i felt more than ever
my star child inside of me
that was my allegiance
to move fast over the landscape, to create new worlds from nothing, to live as a breakneck lightning bolt
& my panic was over the abandonment of my uranus daddy
the loss of that daddy to show me the way so that i wouldn't be fumbling down here on earth, where sometimes
i want my daddy
especially on days (years, lifetimes) where nothing looks familiar & no one looks (or feels) like me
(except for those of you who do)
oh god, enough of me, i'm going to go get in the hot tub ;)
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