the love artist dot org

pure love

i am embarking on treacherous waters today (& almost every day) by doing my daily love calistenics of reaching way outside the box, my box (& there is absolutely no ribald pun intended, well actually . . maybe) . .

if we are to continue the estimable dr cousens' argument that, although one "can transform any edible item into a higher vibration food

why not seek & eat the highest vibration food to begin with . . "

can we truly translate this to love nutrition?

this is a theory that i have been mulling over

i was even heard to exclaim (on a date, of course, high out of my mind after a 10 day detox) in juliano's raw in santa monica:

why eat regular (love) food when you can eat super (love) food?

the equation being that if you subtract the amount of energy that it takes to assimilate food into nutrition within the body from the amount of energy that is potentially available in a food substance . . . that is what you have left to use or spend

i.e. meat takes 90% of the energy it offers just to digest, therefore there is only 10% of it's vital resources left to do anything with, about enough energy to wag your tail a few times, if that

so if we eat pure live food, it takes 10% of its vital energy to digest & assimilate so we get 90% life force to play with

now i love that equation & i have lived it enough to know it is:

exciting
& utterly life altering

as much as i believe this, that eating the optimum level of nutrition, whether it be love nutrition or food nutrition, gives you the most accessible energy to be creative, to be truly intimate

but

i am not living this lifestyle 100% of the time

why?

because i love the friction of grit, i love the flexibility of downshifting, i love other in every form

i understand this is a slippery slope

maybe i am deluding myself, but i believe in the (love) calistentics of surfing the moment, of having a basic skeleton of internal discipline & also the ability to show up bright eyed & bushy tailed for the forbidden

i admit that the only way i can feel good about this right now, is because i have done my time (& there is more to be done always) refraining from a good many substances

love & intimacy & sex at the top of the list

so i have had the training to look at my cravings & sit in the discomfort, in some cases for years, of not getting what (I thought) I wanted

i am beating around the bush here (again not a ribald pun . . well maybe)

all i am saying here, for today, is sometimes i like to eat (love) the difficult to digest &, while clearly

not jesus

sometimes i think

it is worth my energy to transform what may be judged as junk (food) (love) & to bring it onto a higher plane

i am the love artist after all

it is my duty to the world to make silk (love) purses out of poor maligned sow (love) ears

i love my job

exhaustion / true love is not for the fainthearted

(my iching today)

hexagram no. 47 k'un
exhaustion

SITUATION ANALYSIS:

This is the realm of the Shaman.  You have exhausted every alternative, spent yourself completely, taxed body and mind beyond your former limits.  Survival and salvation lie beyond your reach now.  Only transcendence to a new existence -- a higher plane of being -- will see you through.  The Old You is just a dry husk.  You can't return to it.  Metamorphosis is the only grace offered.  You can only return to your homeland as a New You

A Dead Sea, its Waters spent
eons ago, more deadly than
the desert surrounding it:

The Superior Person will stake his life
and fortune on what he deeply believes

Triumph belongs to those who endure.
Trial and tribulation can hone exceptional
character to a razor edge that slices deftly
through every challenge

Action prevails where words will fail

sucker (spoiler alert)

why is it we're able to write our own vows but not our own rules?

~ carrie bradshaw



i admit i am a huge sucker for long obsessive romance particularly anything involving any kind of big-daddy-in-a-suit-paying-the-bill fetish, the girl can't help it, she is hardwired

they can be of any gender

& have been

& i admit to total narcolepsy in the movies & that i really can't be counted on any kind of coherency in movie recommendations unless i can watch it in, like, 5 installments on my laptop before sleep

but the reviews are in & i have been called to task . .

the princess nola called in last night & informed me that all her friends had decided carrie shouldn't have forgiven big, again or ever . .

i said

there is a big difference between forgiveness & getting married

& drea & hallie called it "mid-western porn"


& i also admit i hated what happened to samantha

that's not what 50 looks like to me


holly jee snorted her way disdainingly through the whole thing last night (ok i actually saw it twice, but i needed to match the parts i slept through the first time with the parts i didn't sleep through last night) & she particularly snorted through that last line "the only label that never goes out of style . . . LOVE" to which i actually raised my right hand & waved it in the movie theatre as if i was under the disco ball

thank god for giorgio who loves trash as much as me & who i got to go home with & swoon around & watch his old punk rock videos & gossip about the art world & his childhood on the upper west side . .

think what you will re: all similarities of a curly haired girl/writer obsessed with love & her well coiffed suit daddy . . i know who i am & what i want & i am still a very single, very content love artist at the moment

i do love forgiveness & i do love the turn inside of my heart softening

& i do love so deep & hard that going back is often hard to resist & sometimes is kind of  no-brainer (or a total no-brainer, depending on who's watching) . .

stay tuned

love

separated at birth

as i continue in the parallel carrie bradshaw universe

i think i just managed to score myself a rockin personal love assistant

(fingers crossed)

(handbag & keychain not included)

& the fairy tale continues . . .



thank you

thank you

raw transformation

i am starting a new love project & i want to invite all of you to come with me, to make some real love together

it is really devotion
it is really big love
& it is really art

& we can make it together . . .


i talk all the time here

about the green
the essence

the life force

& now i am bringing together groups of people to find the love in the plants, to get really high & break open our hearts & minds

together

to take the love in the earth to heal themselves & each other through living foods detox sessions

not a fast but 5 days of eating food that is as close to cellular growing

alive as possible

& taking that growing, as love, into our bodies (& our hearts) with an intent, a dream, for change

the picture above is me before & after i fell more in love with who i am by living more clearly, more intentfully

they are taken over a 2 year period


(sure the tan helps, but it is the love that got me to puerto rico in the first place, making a dream happen)


the detoxes described below are happening in hudson, every other week, on the new & full moons but

i will travel to you
& love & heal you

bring me to you

you deserve it

you will feel better than you have ever felt before

i promise you

THE INNER GARDEN:
summer detox & cleanse
preparation, intent & ritual
with love artist kathe izzo
(in hudson & by appointment)


5 day Living Foods Detox in your homes

5 days blended detox diet w/ a private detox consultation
$275 including home delivery

regular summer sessions in Hudson, NY
& on location by private appointment

on the new & full moons

***there are still a few spaces left in the June 15th session***

A Living Foods Detox is a cleanse based entirely on blended, organic,easily digestible living (raw) plant foods with a concentration on chlorophyll rich greens.

There are no supplements, just whole foods in generous quanitities. Unlike many other cleanses, you will be purifying yourself by eating an abundance of the nutrition necessary for optimum health.  You will not feel deprived or hungry.

The Detox is lead with intent by Kathe Izzo, multiple graduate of the Ann Wigmore Institute in Puerto Rico.  Attention will be given to personal food & substance issues, as well as individual goals & lifestyle changes in both initial group orientation & a private detox consultation.

Izzo is an advocate of the middle way with raw foods, advocating a 60 - 70% living raw foods lifestyle combined with stress reduction & exercise, with regular blended detoxes seasonally, believing in a integrative, self-love approach.

***

This was much more than a fast.  It was a look into what we're doing, what commitments were
we willing to make, how we are ready to be with ourselves, and the support to follow this through.
Kathe was exemplary; she gave her whole self to the process and maintained the commitment to
learn and grow through her experiences, which opened a big door for all of us!

~ Murshida Kadre, Liberty Advance Director

This cleanse is a beautiful introduction to living and blended (easy to digest) foods.  Kathe puts her love
and care into preparing and serving each meal, you can feel her connection and passion for healing
through food.  Its a powerful way to bring health and vitality to the body and mind.

~ Miles Maeda, DJ

***

Daily menu includes: Green Smoothie Breakfast, 2 Blended Green Soups with Blended Live Condiments & 2 Liquid Snacks.

Ingredient List available upon Request.

Discounts available for Colonics, Massage & Infra Red Sauna
through the generosity of the beautiful Bodhi Holistic Spa & Retreat in Hudson

***

Benefits of a living foods detox:

- increased energy levels & a more intentful lifestyle
- less obstacles to creativity & manifestation capabilities
- improved digestion
- relief from the build-up of toxins
- a return to a more essential body weight
- clearer & more youthful skin
- nutrition rich streamlined diet
- reduced cravings
- a reduction in allergic reactions
- deeper sleep
- personal radiance

***

Take a big step in reclaiming your life down to the specifics of how you integrate your cleanse into your daily lifestyle:

*utilizing group dynamics or taking the more private approach

*maintaining your daily schedule or turning your home in your personal retreat center

***

write theloveartist@gmail.com for more information & registration

private detox coaching, creative process consultation,
living foods preparation instruction & love appointments
also available

always

dear love artist / to text or not to text

tla -

thanks for the rhythmic conversation on the dance floor last week. i hope there are more summer evenings to indulge in good vibes with you!

and for the scoop, i texted B this (verbatim for sake of this txt talk):


"B.
i am in the city.
i want to see you again...want to hit you back.
let me know what's good!"



and the following afternoon i received this:


"hey.
i am upstate at a gay wedding.
it's great.
get me back next time.
enjoy the concrete"



heart aflutter, i chose to hold off on a response for sake of illusion. at which point i realized i am engaging in creation. the polite midwestern gal did not respond eagerly, rather, played it cool, although with a bout full of sweetness ready to give

she mentioned a "next time" and so i wonder if again i choose to holler out when i am in the city. doctor's could benefit from full body massages, right? & so I think of tla - intimate connections as an art form and how each individual strings his or her own web with unique qualities. i understand the delicacy, and sway to be upfront to meet again - chasing away the imaginary confines of time

linear aside, can it be dynamic if one is clearly pushing stronger than the other within a nascent life form?

ok, tla, thank you for reading

hope summertime air is sweet and delicious for you too...

xo, c

*****

oh yummy, i love a long letter & i love to talk about love

first things first: if you are not gardening maybe you have time for a coffee this morning? not til after 9 or so cause a love artist needs to pray & meditate & stir up the love pot

if not today, i am fresh back from the city myself & i am around for a bit

yr text was good & i think it is good to hold back now for a (little) bit

& as far as your own love art goes . . it can be art & will be art if you genuinely have no expectations

more about that we see each other in person

i'm a little sleepy at the moment xxxx tla

my love affair with the universe is both petulant & lavish

the universe wants to love me

it tells me all the time, in crazy expansive ways & in the most tiny invisible ways

tho i have spent many of my upright years learning ways to notice this fact (as opposed to my non-upright years where i didn't have to work at it & was just trying to remind everyone else around me, mostly by screaming at the injustice of bright lights, loud noise, & mindless handling of my delicacy) i am mostly a brat & do my best to find the absolute hardest way to do anything & weirdly, tho i am sure many of you can relate

i enjoy it

this is changing however

thank god

no really

thank god, or the goddess or the light inside our eyes, you & me

something is shifting & lately, when i get scared, i stare into the face of that fear & see the soft shininess that is so familiar it cannot be a foe & before i know it, in that moment of recognition, i forget to fight

forget to push

& my friend

fear

has gently burst as it floats past my left ear

like the most innocent fragile soap bubble

love as fear

tremulous . . .

above, i am on the phone with one of my "staff":
one of the many spiritual advisors/lovers/children/assistants/friends/sisters/brothers that i use to get through the day, & as you can see, i am being a big baby & being resistant to some form of wisdom that doesn't fit my world view

if there was a soundtrack it might sound something like this:

but

there is really another side to (him, her, it) that i don't think you get

i have already tried that

i don't think so

(eye rolling)



& ok, if you can even believe this, the subject on the table was: i was about to get a new tattoo yesterday, with a nefarious significant other FROM MY PAST & i was trying to explain how it was

performance art

& some kind of moment OUTSIDE OF TIME

& how i could get this tattoo (not to be revealed here, yet, as the future is always unknown, a day is a day is a day & the miracle is now) & walk away if necessary, that it would just be

a testament to some (mirage) of destiny

for, is it not true, that big love, even in it's most pure form, lives inside of us as a mirror of some kind of divinity & therefore all love is a vapor, an agent of change, a mirage of destiny, not that it does not feel real, but that we can never, ever claim, for ourselves

what the other feels & therefore can only be responsible for ourselves

in any case, it wasn't enough to have one spiritual advisor breathing down my romantic denial, but giorgio was wafting in & out, listening to my argument & who offered the following advice:

don't get a tattoo & come with me to go see blondie in kingston, matt is playing keyboards & we have backstage passes

i pouted some more but i made the call & in the midst of tornado warnings & big lightning & rain flying sideways, i picked up peacock, (other) matt, gaby & mr g & drove through the upstate ny greenness & jumped around & shook my booty & shimmied all night & sat w. ms harry & ate strawberries & bananas & talked about amtrak & ashrams & energy soup & the jersey shore & on the way home, in the dark, in the car, looking at fog rising off the road, or was it steam

without talking

we sang to the radio:

the tide is high
melt w. you
rocking in the free world
piece of my heart
& some grace slick song i can't remember that made me cry

one day at a time
with love
thank you universe, you sexy thing

good morning

i have issues in the morning

i just love the clandestine, pristine morning hours so much that i try to jam it all in (a chronic problem of the overly enthusiastic)

you've heard it here before, sometimes i wake up at four & i think, oh well, might as well get up now, so i will have more of it (morning)

i do especially love the dark before the dawn

but this is how it goes:

i wanna do kundalini, sit, do ashtanga, write, lay in bed & read & drink coffee, wanna lay in bed & talk & make love, wanna walk in the dawn, stare out the window

i get all clogged up

& it's hard for me to negotiate this thing (the expanse of morning) that basically brings so much joy, i'm almost crying when i wake up . .

this is the problem, as mr leon was prone to warn me back in the PR, being a seeker of joy is a slippery slope, can be a grind if you don't watch out

i've been praying for the voice that speaks to me & tells me to do this & forget about the rest

this morning it was 7 o'clock & the voice told me to go to the mobile mart to buy cream ;) . . i'm not kidding . . i am a cream girl all the way, raw-living-wheatgrass obsession notwithstanding . .

& on the way to the mobile mart, i passed my car which somehow magically transported me to the conservation area & a dewy green path

that smelled so good

& i was lost there for a hour or so

no cream necessary

for now

good morning

the dark before the dawn

today's oracle: the devil (reversed):

it is time for you to break loose from this misery & bondage. you no longer need to accept your situation - move toward liberation & you will emerge happier, with a more developed personality

the change has already occurred - only the "feelings" of sadness, anger or depression remain to influence you

deal with your past, use the knowledge & energy bound up in your experiences - transform them & releasing the energy contained within them. free yourself from your past habits - your ignorance & indecision is a weakness & it is causing this instability - recognize this influence & take the necessary action against it

deal with your problems & avoid emotional outbreaks. being timid will only emphasize your weakness - it is time for you to take the bull by the horns & do your own thing.

the power that seems to be limiting you - is the power that will liberate you

listen to your "inner" voice, go inside - sift out the truth from the illusion & enlighten your mind. your emotional overindulgence has resulted in exhaustion & boredom

***(whoaaaa ~ tla)***

you have gone overboard and you need to find your balance now - start living & stop denying yourself life experiences

if you want to swim again - you must first get in the water and get wet

***(whoaaa x 2 ~ tla)***

this is the paradox of the practical side of what we call evil

it is the denial, the lack of recognition & acceptance that gives it its power, its very existence. only when you cut off an integral part of yourself do you create your dr. jekyll & mr. hyde

be cautious of what you deny

only what you push into the dark can grow unnoticed, reappearing later in disguised form to terrorize you. this can be in the form of immoral or illegal acts by others directed at you or by you at others.

when the mind hangs onto its separateness, refusing the opening of the third eye, the lifting of the veil, the resolution of dualities, then balance is impossible. evil occurs only when too much attention has been paid to one half of a duality pair without enough attention to the other . . .

m.i.a.

i'm trying & trying & trying to swim back to you . .

one day or two off the groove on the love artist train & where do i even start? staying up all night with high priestesses & sipping ayahuasca, praying til the sun goes around the earth, waking up way before dawn, again & again, shy dates in french cafes, spontaneous rendezvous at the opera house with long lost sweet sweet loved ones & their little ones, eating green til i see green, loving up all my detoxing pilgrims, standing in line at the farm store with armloads of everything for you

my kids are showing up to love their mama tomorrow

& a girl's got to sleep which is where i am going right now

it's 8:00 & my german ex mother-in-law said the hours before midnight count twice

can't wait for the longest day

this is me (in love) making my way back to you

i am coming

on the verge of tears

you make our souls tasty like rose marmalade
you cause us to fall flat on the ground
like the shadow of a cypress still growing at its tip

rainwater through a mountain forest
we run after you in different ways
we live like on the verge of tears
inside your eyes. don't cry

rumi



i have a new friend

i have a new lover

i have a new project(s)

i have a new story

i have new everything

in the time since i have wrote you last the world has turned 9 times

& i can barely recognize myself

last week i took 7 people on a plant journey with me

i woke up every morning at 4 to kneel & pray & pad up & down the hallway like i like to do in the morning, touching everything, smelling the time before the sun comes up & then i made my way down the street to pdaddy's kitchen (?!? ~ unless i was already there ~ ?!?) where giorgio & myself & pdaddy when he finally opened his eyes, cut & chopped & caressed & blended all sorts of greens & fruit & nuts & berries in little alchemical formulas packed in Ball canning jars, just like grandma complete with little stickers recounting each piece of love & green within

background music: (for starters) soundtrack to short bus, susanna baca, telepopmusik, hercules & love affair

& somewhere around 8ish mr holly jee would show up to help clean up & make house calls, delivering the days verdure & snacks replete with prayer-like menu headed w. quotes:

first say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do

epictetus

for example

it was more than lovely

i was tripping

& before i tell you about my new friend let me tell you

how lovely it was to be green w. pdaddy

all week

& to feel green with him

again

it is possible

absolutely anything is possible

but the story here is the beautiful gretchen above

who chose to take this this orphic journey into the land of chlorphyll inspired dreams on faith alone

boldly approaching me in my small town & saying

i want to know more about you

then somehow, just a few weeks later, she is in lala land, slurping down blended greenness & nothing else, laying languid in her garden

i took her up to my house that day she approached me, i knew i was in for a treat, she just oozes lusciousness & brains

& i hooked her up with the locket in my dining room, tenderly placing the headphones over her ears & leaving her alone in my world

we ended up on princess nola's bed which oddly & awkwardly serves as my couch, crouched on our knees like school girls, interrupting each other &/or speaking simultaneously

last saturday, gretchen requested a love appointment & i hadn't done one  in so long, not an official one, that on the way i began to fret, especially because i had stopped in at pdaddy's for the last bit of wheatgrass, which we shared in our favorite private ritual, which could have been sweet but ended up a little fragile

so on my walk to gretchen's i did begin to fret about what to do in our love appointment, a mistake because it is part of the original true love manifesto that it is

all perfect

every moment

exactly the way it occurs

so when i finally arrived at the home of gretchen, where i had never been before but which resembled every home i have ever inhabited in it's parisian boudoir/haitian voodoo grandmother splendor, & where i felt so familiar

i actually

asked permission

to weep & howl wickedly simultaneously, to freely cascade over my boundaries, cause i felt so safe

& she found me inspiring & i thought she gave the best advice ever & we catapulted (sitting in the thunder & rain & then peering out from beneath the porch) past awkwardness into simultaneous love stories & lives & into the realm of the fabulous, the realm of gorgeous girlishness, the realm of history


you trick some people with gold ropes
you tie them up & leave them
others you pull near at dawn
you are the one within every attraction

all silence. you are not alone, never that
but you must at times become distracted
because look, you have taken the food
that you were going to give to jesus
you have taken that out to the stable
& put it down in front of the donkey

rumi

heavy petting

i know you have all probably seen this a million times already but . . . i just can't get enough of it

it's so cute


i have to admit this is the stuff of my dreams

only in my dreams there are no bars

& i'm usually naked

or on my way

meow

sulky boudoir

boudoir:
(the concise oxford dictionary of english etymology)

boudoir lady's private room. XVIII.

F. boudoir prop. 'place to sulk in', f. bouder pout, sulk, of imit. origin. see OIR

sulky boudoir would be the perfect name for a love artist rock band if i had one, however those days are over (never say never)

there were a few (pre) love artist rock bands (if there could ever be a genre pre love artist if there could ever be) but most never made it out of the basement

except for those of your fortunate enough to have been privy to a private bathtub performance of the musical theatre of love (w. either ian, matt or slink moss on guitar at the chelsea hotel or great eastern hotel, london respectively)





haunting & terribly moving & really rock & roll in the most conceptual sense but not really a band

tho we did have our groupies;)

there was one band however when your beloved was still post pubescent chubby, had not discovered hair products or even contact lenses (i know, a little scary, but i hear i was cute, promise i will look for a photo) & played bass in the short lived THE JAYNE MANSFIELD in boston in the 80s, with rita rat & dave colburn when they were living in rita's guru dad's ashram outside of harvard square

we used to practice in the basement where there lived the biggest tv i had ever seen in my young (19) age & this was a major tv way before home entertainment systems & flat screens, the room was set up with rows of florescent furry pillows laid out in concentric semi-circles in front of the set

i was never invited to watch any movies, so i don't know what was on the guru menu

this was, gulp, pre video movies anyway

but, ah-hem, to sulk in the boudoir . . this is where i have played many conceptual-noir-operatic-cinematic-tours-de-force, many of which are the source of much gorgeousness & infamy & equal sorrow & lament . . (to be continued)



(& yes, i am still listening to hercules & love affair, as should you)

sulky boudoir 2

i was a bitch yesterday

well, hardly venomous but a little surly. it's hard when you really practice to love everybody & you believe in the opening behind every moment for learning & expansion, it's hard because sometimes tough love is absolutely necessary because

some people just don't know how to behave

like there is this public meeting that i like to go to & i live in a small town & i have a tendency to make a small ruckus wherever i go, even when i'm in my pajamas & flip flops which is how i was dressed at this meeting last night -- a short little green sundress with ruffles around the bottom that i had been sleeping in for the past few nights & a brown & white striped long sleeve henley, also slept in

for a little town in upstate ny, there is a real street vibe here & it's hard to make your way around without knowing pretty much everybody so there is this guy on the street who calls me

fashion

& when he saw me last night, he said

"where's the fashion"

& who knows, for some reason i wasn't really in the mood for this & what was usually my friendly love artist smile turned & i said

"this is fashion'

in my most aloof voice and then he said

"what's the matter fashion"

& i said

"when you have been a pretty girl as long as me, sometimes you need a break from belonging to the world"

it just came out like that & i think i hurt his feelings but that sulk fit me just fine & made my evening

i needed some space

& i am still feeling it today

just a little bite & the real story of my menace to society will come tomorrow, i promise & i hope you won't be disappointed cause i don't think it is going to be funny

but hopefully it will be educational

call to duty

i started a new sadhana a couple of days ago

excuse the expression but it is totally totally busting my conceptual balls, my ego, my defense/conceptual immune system, all means of delusion

but i notice i am walking a little straighter & feeling crisper, more in focus, with much less procratination

not like there aren't temper tantrums

ms propheta west/ford dallaire or whatever she is going by these days gave me a good reprimand last week after i got all pissy with her

i mean i am such a god awful brat

i pay her for a healing session  & then when she tries to heal me, i am all

NO, THAT'S SO NOT WHAT I WANTED . . .

i am always asking her to check up on this love or that, male, female, young, old, i confess

i am so totally crush-o-matic

& she is always no, no, no

you know she is just a shiny thread of my direct connection to the divine, i am sure that is what makes me knock my head against the wall

this divine import that

i am at the center of every love spell

this is the

very curse of the love artist/the ultimate beloved within

with no human substitute

it is a curse only for one who is so gifted in the physical manifestation of love, one who is presented with such bounty on a daily, sometimes hourly basis

& it is a curse ;)

only to be perpetually turned within over & over again like a metronome of the heart . . .

this is what i have to offer you & i am such an ingrate

to not be honored with

such a mission

*************

the call to duty (unlock the infinite power within you)

(from arcline industries):

the criteria of life are ultimately competent enough to consume you. there is a balance between pleasure & leisure, between the sweat of life & relaxation. & although the body relies on its immune system, when stress occurs, it does not know where to go. man understood thousands of years ago that we should not start one day without meditation, without cleaning the hectic, dirty mind so that we can face life's circumstances, as we are going to do now in the following three exercises:

MEDITATION - unlock the infinite power in you (31 minutes)

  1. sit straight in a cross-legged position. place the left hand on your heart. with the elbow relaxed down, extend the right forearm, as though you are asking for a cup of water. inhale heavily through the "o" of the mouth, as though you are drinking air, and exhale through the nose. continue for 22 minutes

this exercise will stimulate your immune system & your heart

2. in the same posture do a powerful breath of fire. continue for 3 minutes, then  switch hands and continue for another 3 minutes

3. without pause from the second exercise, stretch both arms out to the sides parallel  to the ground, palms facing up. continue the powerful breath of fire for 3 minutes.  to end, inhale deeply, hold the breath and squeeze the spine all the way up, stretching  up the neck. exhale. repeat 2 more times. on the last inhaled breath also stretch the  arms, pulling them from the shoulders. exhale & relax

there is unlimited, infinite power in you

these exercises work together like a key to unlock it out. this kriya gives emergency strength

start being grateful. count blessings, not curses. answering the call of duty is more than life. life is a statutory situation. the call of duty is the most honourable product of it, and answering the call of duty is the grace. & that grace brings
you prosperity, position, values and virtues.  there is no secret or two opinions about it. but it depends on how sincerely you understand . . .

we are all by products of cause & effect. if anything stops us from surrendering to our fate, our destiny & our will,  it is our ego. the more territorial we become, the smaller we become, the feistier we become & the more uncomfortable we are

fortunate are those who walk the path of love, dedication &  affection. those who are fortunate can mess it up by getting into the spiritual ego. let us understand that this is a most precious life. it is a gift. if we handle it as a gift, it will solve our problem

(note that is the singular: problem not problems . . . xox tla)

in the trenches of the sulky (bardo)

(missive to dallaire)

hey love,

i have been doing the call to duty for the last 5 days, to an intense reaction.  Some of the days I feel choked & claustrophobic, a lot of coughing & a lot of internal struggle, the other times a lot of peace, serenity & a rush of kundalini, a spontaneous liquid movement in my head & neck, tears . . most of the issue is my grief with/behind? holding on, not releasing, not trusting . .

it seems like my big issue these days is not being able to manage my time, doing one thing & feeling like I should be doing something else, not getting to the creative work, busy doing busy work . . this all makes my heart really really sad & claustrophobic

i know you said that:

sometimes it is difficult to put everything in words.  just want to clarify the "no" that i heard (& relayed to you) about the relationship means "no" as an answer, not no as a process

& i appreciate that

the thing with the relationship is like this:

whether we are moving into the future or working through forgiveness, in my current state of clarity i am overwhelmed with the  ephiphany that

it is me

i make it hard, i can't be in the flow, i am afraid of the future, i am stuck in the past, i am so responsible for so much of what happened (for me) . . not responsible for his behavior but certainly for my experience . . . it is not about him, it is about my relationship with love itself . . this is what i have been procrastinating writing about for days:

when i am in love i forget who i am out of love, when i am in love i feel isolated, when i am in love i doubt myself

i want to be the self i am out of love when i am in love

this is the curse of the love artist & i wish i was more evolved

the call to duty is illuminating this

i feel the kundalini like a bird caught in the chimney of my dreams

& i know the answer to being sick of struggling is not more struggling

at least i have gotten that far

i love you xox yr love artist