may 13


love in the afternoon

borhan

(you were really quiet when I asked you to sign the paperwork)
(I thought I came on too strong)
(but then I didn't know what you were thinking)
(so I just got busy and left you alone)
(thank you for being so sweet with raph when we were planting)
(you had a special energy)
(I saw it that day with your nephew)
(I thought maybe it was your son but you looked too young)
(when I ripped open the bag of soil you said it smelled fresh)
(we stuck our hands in the dirt)
(you & raph placed the flower pots down so gently)
(you placed them on & in the "lawn")(raph placed one at the very furthest tip of the shack almost falling off the edge)
(when we sat you told me of your love of your country)
(you sunk low in your chair)(I didn't want you to worry)
(about me)(about what we were doing)(about your life)(your country)(your mother)
(you love the opportunities here)(your eyes filled over both)
(country & opportunities)(so much)(love)
(you told me you wanted to be an angel)
(to build a contact theatre to iran)(to teach kids there how to have a voice)
(I was sorry we didn't have that much time to talk)
(but it seemed important to plant the flowers)
(freedom)

john

(you arrived so promptly & I was impressed you took it seriously)
(I have a bad habit of a lack of trust around both men & butch girls/bois)
(I like a player)(a lady's man)(god love them)
(it's a challenge)(I really do)(& then I test them)
(this is horrible coming from the love artist isn't it)
(it shows such a lack of trust)(I try to override it)
(I do my best to override it)(it is important to be in the moment)
(to lay aside everything you think you know)
(if you're going to love unconditionally)
(so you were on time & I wasn't)(you waited patiently)
(it was funny to sit up there on what has become the love stage)
(here in the contact theatre)(I lowered the lights a bit)
(we giggled nervously)(I was such a geek)(I brought up the Z boys)
(I wasn't just trying to be cool cause of the BMX thing)
(I really loved that movie)
(I wanted to know about the whole thing)(I wanted to know about the fear)
(I wanted to know if men felt less fear than women)
(physical fear)(was it bravery or unconsciousness)
(I wanted to know how you knew in your body that you could do that)
(rise 10 feet above the ramp)(and know how to hit it)
(just right)(or how you knew or where you went when you knew
you missed it & you were heading down)

(here is something for you)(something I wrote just a week ago)
(back in NY before I met you):

she had heard about people who fetishized care crashes
who lived for the thud, the impact & the possibility of peril
she supposed she was no different when it came to love
like when you take the curve of the swimming pool
like infinity like an exquisite mathematic equation that worked out like god
she often wondered about courage or was courage not the way at all
because courage implied some kind of thought process & somehow
she knew that thinking was what brought pain and being was above pain
& being was different than not thinking . . .

(you were real & honest & you held me in your gaze)
(you told me about getting up early & fishing & your cat George)

(I told you that you reminded me of tony millionaire)(that is a big compliment)
(he is one of my favorite loves ever)
(a totally impossible love but a favorite all the same)

(you tried to tell me everything)
(I heard you)(I saw you)
(you stuck around)(I came around)
(even though I kept referring to your BMX groupies)

(keep in touch. you would make a good friend. nice to have met you. X)