may 17

love to love you more

sonia

(it was an hour full up to the very tip)
(two mothers)(two lovers)(two)
(giggling you could be a beautiful young girl)
(you told me first of your work)
(the writing)(the love)
(I think the first thing you told me was about the women chatting)
(outside)(the men made the fire)(with their hands)(no matches)
(you giggled & said something like I rather fancy that -- the chatting)
(it was an installation)(later you said it didn't have enough structure)
(you battle with the structure)(and yet you present so strong)
(so full)(so clear)
(experimenting with love)(do I know what love is)
(do any of us know)(the romantic holiday in gambia)(the beautiful blossom of that)
(your boy solomon)
(how do we know how to be a mom)(put the baby in a basket & be on my way)
(who knows what love is)
(perhaps a gigolo)(pehaps an angel)
(free breakfast)(maybe free dinner)(what did you know)
(pumping water from the well)(you wrapped gold into your ears to remember)
(he brought)(you bought)
(you broke them out with pliers to begin again)
(wise)(lovely)(brave)
(thank you)
(honesty)

jenny

(you brought me barthes)

The Absent One

absence
any episode of language
which stages the absence
of the loved object --
whatever its casuse and its
duration -- and which tends to
transform this absence into an
ordeal of abandonment

Waiting

attente/waiting
tumult of anxiety provided
by waiting for the loved
being, subject to trivial
delays (rendezvous, letters,
telephone calls, returns)

(about absence)(& all it becomes)(a complete histrionic episodic drama)
(I get it)(more times than I would like to remember)
(it's like time is so mutable)(a passage of time can mean 20 different things)
(what seems interminable)(intolerable)(impassable)
(maybe only one afternoon without contact)(one hour)(20 minutes)
(can be a lifetime of separation)(or for the other)(a busy few hours)
(with barely time to think)(can we love without fear)
(fear on its own is bad enough)(really too much for any young soul to bear)
(but fear turning in on itself becomes intolerable times 10)
(& then the vortex involves everyone)(one afternoon)(20 minutes)
(becomes a tsunami)(claiming victims everywhere)
(ok kathe calm down)(but separation from the source of love is the beginning of everything)
(global warming)(nuclear proliferation)
(the dalai lama says the most important thing is to be affectionate with each other)
(he also said the most important human activity is how children are raised)
(the most important thing you said)(after we sat in our struggle together for a good 50 min)
(was that you liked to embody your writing)
(I'm still thinking about that this morning)
(I want to see that)(more)(in the world)(more)
(thank you)
(body beautiful)

dave

(dave)(dave)(dave)(dave)
(what a bright light you are)
(I bought the orange marmalade for you)
(I made toast)(again)(I don't get sick of it)(I love it)(really)
(you are moving again)(you love manchester)(so dear)
(you brought me remnants of a loved life)
(birthday cards from your grandma)(obsessive documentation of the dogs in your family)
(from your mom)(your aunt)(photos of old love)(the good)(the wicked)
(it was particularly moving)(you valued it all)
(the leveling of desire & love)(bringing equal value)
(I know that wasn't your intent)(you just wanted to show me)(yourself)
(through the love that was you)
(the teaching)(the giving)(the karma)(give out all your stuff)(freely)(get some back)(for truth)
(it's not so personal)(the love is right there)(you know love the one you're with)
(the rainy picture of manchester)(where you can see the bus coming)
(my favorite)(love)
(thank you)
(repatriation)