may 19

you're going to make me lonesome when you go

 

rachel

(I was late)(I'm always late)(but you were the first one that arrived before me)
(you seemed fragile)(your dark glasses & tentative movement)
(I actually thought you might be blind)(I wanted to help you)
(you told me you felt manic)(you seemed vulnerable under the bright lights)
(I asked them to lower the music)(I ordered lunch & purchased you an espresso)
(I told you it was really more private than it seemed & assured you)
(tried to cover you in a way that was appropriately from my heart)
(you said you were taken off guard when you realized it was therapy)
(that comment made me gag)(oh god is it that)(but I know it's not)
(I'm not there to fix you)(I am loving you)(& it makes me wonder if making room for
someone else is so rare it seems like helping)(how far did we get from being)
(that being open seems like helping)(or goodness seems saccharine)
(I didn't know if that was what you were thinking)(I don't know what you wanted)
(I wanted to tell you to take off your sunglasses)(I didn't know)
(I actually doubted that I could love you without seeing your eyes)
(but something else happened)(I decided to respect the way you presented yourself)
(to me)(in whatever fashion you felt comfortable)(safe)
(I felt us communicating through galaxies & centuries)(our voices sliding)
(through corridors & costumiers closets & no skin at all)
(i imagined a substance of we feeling)(a cord thick and muscular)
(between our hearts)(but muscular like a stream)(a river of rapids)
(a slight pressure)(a touch)
(you brought me a bum & a pair of hands)(a man & a woman)
(good morning beautiful)(good morning handsome)
(what's good for the goose is good for the gander)
(please)
(fluid)

germaine

(why should you trust me)
(but you did)(implicitly)(immediately)(with abandon)
(beautiful girl)(you brought me the vestiges of your last love affair)
(it was so familiar)(when the love seems adequately finished)
(there are the pieces that just can't stay behind)
(you clean house in an attempt to move on)
(you brought me nesting tables)(one tiny one curled under the other)
(we made a porch garden out of it)(annexed the sitting room)(the parlor)
(I remembered kristyn & sharon)(both sending me everything I had ever given them)
(separately)(over 5 years)(without knowing of the other's actions)
(a box not of my stuff but of gifts)(on the top of one box a christmas card)
(that read I LOVE YOU & I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU)
(what makes us say these things)(I LOVE YOU)(I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE)
(love)
(release your (my) moods)
(tick the boxes of attention)
(you gave me slippers, a towel, a wash cloth, a VICE magazine (the drug issue))
(you tried to give me an old tshirt & some socks)
(we were so strong together)(weren't we)(vibrating)(I loved that)
(you told me about the cuttings)(it was in the very beginning)(which is where
I am now in my love)(& I could imagine the yearning & the truth)
(I tingled when you said scalpel)(like lust)
(& the separation of the skin)(& then you told me you carved into the spot again)

(after it was over)(but he was on his way)(& you were still wondering)
(the desire to revisit a love you left)(you know it doesn't work)
(but you still want it)(doesn't it just stay)(in some kind of parallel universe)
(doesn't it just stay)(molecular disturbance)(vestige)
(thank you for letting me photograph you)
(blood)

nicole

(i squeezed you in)(& now I'm so glad)
(another man)(I think his name was chris)(tried to squeeze in before)
(unfortunately there is just so much time)(but he had the picture of the children)
(on their way to be airlifted)(in a train)(waving)
(he brought to my attention a mention in a newspaper about the love shack)
(it said that "kathe izzo invites people to bring objects that express ideas of
home, belonging, loss & love . . . )(he said the children were leaving home)
(but that on their faces was love for their parents)
(I said that in love we always return to abandonment)(it is always right there)
(behind love)(it can creep up on us)(imagined)(it is waiting for us)
(you waited so patiently)(even though we had only scheduled a half an hour)
(we connected so quick)(sometimes necessity is the best lover)
(with a little desperation)(you were a still pool for me)

(you brought me:

to give your sheep or cow a large spacious meadow is the way
to control him

&

the less full of ourselves we are the more room there is for others

&

the sky is never surprised when all of a sudden a thunderbolt breaks through

&

do not take lightly small misdeeds,
believing they do not harm:
even a tiny spark of fire
can set alight a mountain of hay)

(thank you)(thank you)(thank you)
(you said you were a new pilgrim)(but it felt like you had been there)
(for a long time)(yoga & release)(& release & release & release)
(I long for you as you long for me)
(together)
(shanti)

nola

(we were sartorial sisters immediately)
(the black the jeans)
(I stared at your eyes)(I've been trying to learn the eyeliner)(the steady line)(the flick)
(I thought your eyeliner was perfect)(then you told me you weren't wearing any)
(you are prickly)(I was born old)(but so easy to love)
(it felt like a combination of eating you up & falling in)
(I told you I liked to roll out of bed like a man)(out onto the street)
(we hate men with a high maintenance profile)(well hate is a strong word)
(you asked me if I hated)(of course I said hate is the same as love)
(but I qualified that pat statement)(I said I usually resented people that had things I wanted)
(& I resented people more who had things I wanted that I knew I could get or achieve
on my own)(but I was afraid)
(& in that way I had compassion for those that resented me)
(the black mafia)(the female thing)
(but I have no time for it)(we were sister lovers here too)
(you told me about wearing heels to the beach by accident)
(w/ Luna & Tufty & the others)
(we laughed)(you are so yummy)(not sweet)(substantial)(dense with stuff)
(love you amanda)
(true)(artist)

jon

(when I see you move around contact)
(your presence is slow & shuffling)
(when You sat down)(your eyes)(startling)(many)(much)
(I made you toast)(you talked on the phone)(we were domestic)
(I wanted to tell you to turn your phone off)(but it felt nice to make the toast)
(while you took care of business)(sweet)
(we talked about your work)(we spoke about your health)
(you have so many people that love you)
(you favorite food is ice cream)
(we both like ice cream with stuff in it)
(you love it all)
(you hadn't eaten all day)(you were polite and wouldn't take
the last piece of toast)
(I gobbled mine)
(you told me about the pain in your heart)(the undiagnosed)
(the fluid in your lung)(too young)(unsuspected)
(the sticky blood)
(your secret darkness inside)
(your wolfness)
(your body unable to discern organs from infiltrators)
(home from trespassers)
(protect yourself)
(through the slowing you found yourself)
(the beautiful watery you in your eyes)
(intoxicating)
(you)
(focused)

chele

(I was so happy to see you)
(& so sad that we had some friction between us)
(I really did my best to push past it)
(you are not feeling yourself)
(the chele I remember)(not afraid of anything)
(being in love is so complicated)(feeling more beautiful than ever)
(loved)(desired)(& then not as strong)(not as free)
(how does that work)(being desired sometimes being a prison)
(the wish to be held become the wish to be possessed)
(we get high on being owned)(& then we can't fly)
(you were sick of it)(we tried to rearrange the furniture)
(cut out of contact)(to sit at a table & eat)
(I loved to feed you)(you became more & more alive)
(it's right there on the other side of your beautiful skin)
(on the inside)(& the outside)
(happyness)